Self Love is NOT Selfish Love

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Without realizing it then, my early 20s was all about pleasing others, loving others, & caring for others. As I get closer to my 30s my perspective has changed & has been devoted to pleasing myself, loving myself & caring for myself- FIRST. In retrospect, I realize while I was caring & tending to others, I failed to care & tend to someone really important to me–
ME.
No matter how often I tried to be a good friend, a good lover & good family member, I always some how felt disappointed, under appreciated & truly just unfulfilled. In actuality, it was not until a few months ago when I played with the idea of starting Nickkie and Co. that I finally started to feel fulfilled. I realized, for the first time in my life, I felt I was doing something for ME. Even if no one else believed in me or what my visions were. I realized that I did not need validation from anyone else because I was happy. For the true first time, I was able to put myself first while still trying to help others – something I have always wished I had the courage to do.
So often we work hard to tend strictly to the needs & desires of others that we neglect ourselves. Many of us have settled for dead-end relationships, friendships, or jobs due to tending or thinking of other people’s needs instead of our own. While failing to realize that the goal should be to live a happy and fulfilling life for ourselves. As I have gotten older, I have realized that there is nothing wrong with loving & putting my needs first. I have learned that in life I should not gamble with my happiness on the line & I have learned that I can tend to my needs first in a healthy manner that does not make me narcissistic or selfish. In fact, I am learning that in my ability to put myself first, I have become a better resource to help others because I have become a better resource of love for myself. In not loving myself, I found it quite difficult to love someone else. But when I put myself in the center focus, I was surprised by the magnitude of things I was able to share or give to others. Despite how others will try to construe it, loving yourself is not selfish. The people who do not find the beauty in you taking control of your own self-care are the ones who are selfish. Apparently they can not accept that you have now shifted the focus off them to someone who has been neglected for far too long–
YOU.
Loving yourself causes you to break the cycle of self neglect but it does not mean you become neglectful of others. In putting self-love in foresight you are still compassionate & considerate of others. You just stop over extending yourself outside of your means & reflect on the effect each situation has on you. While self loving yourself, you love yourself enough to disassociate from unfavorable relationships. You love yourself enough to say “no” when you do not agree or the situation is inconvenient for you. You love yourself enough to be compassionate & love yourself without conditions. Loving yourself means you support yourself in any way you need support & you work on self-healing! In order to be the best version of yourself these things are necessary.
The self-love I am referencing goes beyond a day set aside for a spa or a good meal to eat. The self love I reference, is the idea that you take time for yourself, you meditate, you reflect & you encourage yourself- OFTEN. Mantras are an amazing reminder that you rock. Recite them. Meditation & prayer are an amazing way to feel rejuvenated. Do them. No longer sacrificing what you feel even when you are unhappy is an amazing way to tell yourself that you are important & that building a personal love for yourself is just as important to you. As you continue in this, you will be surprised by how the things around you will shift. How your perspective will change & the things you will be capable of. Next thing you know, that weight on your shoulders is not as heavy as it once was, you are laughing a little more than you did before, you are no longer frustrated or irritated when someone has a request. You will notice you will be willingly open to doing things you thought were once tedious. In fact, you will find yourself motivated, energized and eager to do something more with your time because suddenly you have so much more of it. But the truth is, you don’t. There will still be 24 hours in a day & 6-8 hours of it you will spend getting your beauty rest. In fact, you will have less time with more energy to get things done. This is possible because you finally loved yourself first, wholeheartedly & vivaciously. In your self love, your body has rewarded you for loving it so much & you are simply just finally reaping the rewards.
xo.
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Conglomerates, now it is your turn to be heard:

What are some things you can do, or have already done to love on yourself?

9 thoughts on “Self Love is NOT Selfish Love

  1. I really enjoy your writing style. Thank you for this. One step I have taken towards self love is starting my blog. It feels amazing, and you are definitely right that you feel more energized to do more for others after you fulfill yourself.

    Liked by 1 person

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