Ohh, Child You’re Ugly!

IMG_1894I am sitting behind the monitor struggling to come up with a topic that will truly inspire me today. See, as I write I never truly know what I will choose to write about as I am inspired differently every time I sit down to share with you. I always pray & ask god to guide me in the direction that will inspire me to write so that I can reach who I am supposed to reach. See, I realize that a topic that inspires me, never fails to inspire my readers & it is my biggest desire to continue with this trend. Since Nickkie&Co. went live, we have talked about different ways to feel empowered & how to take it into our own hands (Advocating For Yourself, Fighting Fear). How to love ourselves unconditionally (Self Love is NOT Selfish ), how to ignore society (Beauty Fades &Who Says) & how linking up with other women who empower us to be our best selves (Building A Sisterhood) serves to be a benefit.

Today, despite what other discussions we have had, I have to acknowledge that women are multifaceted, things are not always one-sided & unfortunately, society is not always our worst enemy. As a way to empower women, I must acknowledge that many times a woman’s worst enemy is a sadly a woman. In fact, it is not always the chauvinistic pig who prefers favors in exchange for goods. Hell, it is not even always society who we need to be weary of. Sadly, we have to come to the realization that we also contribute to the set back of some women, specifically if we have declared them an enemy. In the memoir, Building A Sisterhood, I mentioned how effective a relentless, empowered & motivated a group of women are when united for a common cause. Historically, women joining together has resulted in amazing things— the right to vote, the right to work & the “Me Too” movement are clear indicators that women are not a force to be reckoned with. These examples show that in times of adversity, women will come together to overcome.

Unfortunately, on the flip side, a woman who is relentless, motivated, angry & insecure with momentum can reap a degree of havoc that fails to empower & uplift other women. Whatever the reason, however it is done, it results in us stooping down to behavior that is beneath us in order to make another woman feel miserable. Momentum that is fueled with ill intent & grown in negative situations will prohibit both sides from reaching their highest potential.  We HAVE to STOP this.

Notice I said “we” as I am guilty of this too & have noticed in my most trying & hurtful situations, I have seen an ugly side of myself that I did not recognize. A side of myself I have been ashamed of because naturally, the woman that situation made me was not me. Though many people will not openly admit this, many of you can reflect back to a time when you were not your most beautiful & when looking in the mirror you hardly recognized your reflection. Women hurt each other in so many different ways it is almost hard to list the ways– we disrespect each other by sleeping with each other’s men when we should have walked away, we have stabbed each other in the back in situations when we should have been supportive, we have disrespected one another by fighting in the street, providing entertainment for social media or calling each other out our names in order to devalue another woman’s worth. This is not short of deliberately & maliciously hindering another woman’s advancement forgetting that our blessings are for us & theirs is for them.

It is difficult to pursue & promote women’s empowerment if women are failing to lead by example in the way we treat each other. Sometimes we may hate or dislike a woman based off of our own understanding. For instance, a least complex example, yet common situation can simply be that your lying man that is cheating on you can very well be her lying man cheating on her & she has no idea. Sometimes it is not the woman who is the problem it is the unideal situations we find ourselves in that we struggle to evaluate rationally because our emotions have us out of sync. The example provided is not always the case but it provides new insight that allows us to look at a common situation from a different perspective. To further elaborate, if in fact she did know that she was aiding your cheating boyfriend in your heartache would it be bothersome to figure that maybe she too needs healing, as she does not find herself to be worth more than the active role of someone’s “side-piece”. It is in the change of our perception that women empowerment comes in. Instead of putting each other on the stake, recognize that you both are hurting, you both have pain, you two just exhibit it in a different way.

As women, much of our pain & many of our inhibitions are grown with us from our youth. I speak of pain that has failed to be properly addressed because we have learned to bury it into our cores & continue on with our lives. We all have different motivations for the things we do & although we look at each other as if we are different, the truth is we are not much different after all. We all have a story, we all have fears, we all have things that spike our desires, we all have motivations, we all have feelings & we all have pain. Though the core of this looks different, we all have them. Knowing this, we have to be mindful. I know it is not easy to look at things differently within our pain & I know it is not easy to turn the other cheek when someone has hurt us deliberately (I struggle with this often) but we cannot push for the respect women deserve if we refuse to give it to each other.

Instead, even small gestures to a stranger will go an even further way, as the positivity you sow will surely grow. You would be surprised how speaking to a stranger can brighten their day. A smile & “good morning” stuns people like you are standing in front of them doing a magic trick. Pulling up to a drive-thru & asking the clerk how they are doing & actually waiting for their answer before making your request makes them slow down & answer. From my experience, many times you can even hear them smile through the intercom. That small interaction goes a long way & since I have practiced this, I do not recall having to go back because my order was incorrect. Maybe it is my luck but I like to equate it to making them feel valued, important or cared for. A simple, “you’re beautiful” to a woman who appears to be feeling down will surely make her smile. That very woman who just walked away smiling may fight internal insecurities everyday & you just gave her a small nudge to say, “look girl, you’re poppin”. Mark my words when I say, she will not forget it. This is the kind of energy we have to spread out into the world. We have to share our knowledge with one another so we can continue to grow & build as women. We have to learn to love ourselves so we can learn to love each other. We have to learn to become one with our pain, so we can recognize someone else’s.

We have to learn to look at each other as women to know empowerment starts & ends with us. Though it may not feel like it, many times the other woman crying & acting out is us because we have been there, we have just showcased our pain differently. If we can keep this in mind with our interactions not only will we be investing in other women we start investing in ourselves. It feels good to make others feel good. The truth is, although it seems like we always have it together, we don’t. Some of us hold it together better than others but we all have a story, some of our pages are weathered & torn, wrinkled & unbinding but it does not mean those pages do not matter because they do. Those pages are the nectar in the fruit of our existence & we need to love them & each other equally so together we can work on being our best selves.

Until next time Conglomerates, remember to keep living your best life, empowering one another in mind



Conglomerates, in what way can you actively reflect and contribute to women’s empowerment?

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