The Truth About Closure

closed-door-550x367I have broken up with boyfriends & past the point of “it’s over” much else would not be said on my end. Whether I deleted my ex beau’s number, have opted to not answer text or phone calls or even went as far as blocking them, I am often the friend the baffles my friends with the “savagery” as they wonder what happened to the closure. Simply put, closure to an already failing relationship is an excuse to hold on to something that should be over in the first place. It keeps the door open for your ex to pop up, interrupt your peace & potentially hinder your healing process. Instead of truly closing the door on the relationship it now has the potential to become the revolving door & never ending cycle of the on-again-off-again relationship that so many of us get caught up in. Therefore closure, simply put, is a TRAP.

Chasing after the answers you know the answer to & chasing after the apology you believe you deserve often results in time lost that you will never get back. As a deserving woman who is attempting to pick up the pieces by healing & preserving your peace the explanation they give will never be good enough. Despite what they say, or how much they apologize, waiting for a subpar explanation hinders your healing process. Take what you know of the situation & use that as motivation to fuel your healing. Use the time you would use “waiting” to contribute to something productive & valuable to you. Start the self care process. Use the time you would spend seeking closure to grieve & build up your self-self esteem so that you can move forward with your life with no set backs that will have you feeling disappointed in yourself later.

In the past, I can recall the times I have engaged in these closure conversations that resulted in me being set back further in my hurt. Instead of being satisfied with what I was told, I was unsure of the truth, I was crying again, I was disappointed again, I was embarrassed, questioning myself & wondering why I even had the conversation in the first place. In a moment of grief we have different triggers that can impact us negatively, our minds race, we put pieces together to things that were hidden from us & depending on how well the other person feels the conversation went they will start popping up with occasssional phone calls & “just checking on you” text mesaages & disturbing your peace at their will. With time, in our vulnerable state, every attempt at communication makes our hearts grow fonder & can make it a bit harder to move up, over & past it.

Conglomerate, please believe me when I tell you, the closure you are anxiously seeking is not coming from your ex. There is nothing they can say that can make you feel better about what transpired. In fact, the closure you desire comes from a source you least expect– YOU. Once you invest in your healing, move on from the relationship & find your peace you will than have the closure you wanted. You will never find peace responding to those “hey, just checking on you”, “I miss you” text messages or answering, & engaging in heated phone conversations that go back and forth in manipulative banter. Peace will never find you that way. In fact, I am a firm believer, in blocking and deleting numbers, regardless of how “good” or “bad” the breakup was because it is important to me to preserve my inner peace. That is what I want for you– PEACE. Regardless of how short or long the relationship was, every encounter takes from you & you have to work on putting back the pieces of yourself. Succeeding in this is the sure way to find your closure. Conglomerate, build, grow and invest in your self peace so that somewhere along the way you will unlock the door to true closure. You are worth everything you invest in yourself.

Until next time conglomerates, happy healing.



5 thoughts on “The Truth About Closure

  1. Very well said Nickkie. Responding to those “just checking on you” texts are taking steps back from moving on. True closure comes from within when you’re ready and able. And by ready and able I mean you’ve had a pep talk with yourself and realized you no longer have the energy to entertain that ex or no longer have the time to waste. Or you just know your worth! We all know it hurts like hell at first but like all other things, it passes! The reality of it is that falling in love and going through break ups is a part of life. We encounter new people who help us discover ourselves, our likes, dislikes, our desires, etc. As we grow older and experience life and love, we learn that letting go is ok to maintain mental and emotional health. It’s a part of life. And the most beautiful thing about life is that it always goes on! Have a great day love!

  2. So true! I see not point in hanging on or trying to maintain a friendship with someone who has shown you what you (don’t) mean to him.

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