Learning Forgiveness

Welcome back conglomerates, thank you for meeting with me another week. Before I start with this week’s memoir, I want to take a moment aside to thank you all as this week Nickkie&Co has reached 50 subscribers! Despite how small the number may be to others it is a large number to me because it means, faithfully, my post reach at minimum 50 people a week & can possibly help one or more of those 50 people. I also want to note that I know these numbers do not include my faithful readers who have not subscribed & the others who may occasionally run into a memoir & share it to help another woman get through their current situation as I appreciate your support too! Regardless of the reason or the audience, I am truly grateful to you & the efforts you have done to support Nickkie&Co & it’s mission. You are all appreciated.

Now until further a due I present this week’s memoir on — FORGIVENESS.

For the purposes of this memoir I have spent days trying to reflect on what forgiveness truly is. I know what people say it is & I can rationally comprehend what people mean when they ask someone to forgive them. I even understand the  cliche’ conveniently reminding us to “forgive and forget”, or to “forgive and never forget”. As a christian woman, I understand that I am to forgive as Jesus/God forgives me. Learning to forgive has proven to be a task, among other things, that I am still actively working on. If I were honest I do not think I have ever truly forgiven anyone that has crushed me to my core. In my experiences, I have learned to move up, over & past things because that is what I had to do, I accepted things as whatever they were & with time *inserts cliche’* all wounds eventually healed. But truly, consciously forgiving someone is another story. With forgiveness, I understand that once you forgive someone you do not necessarily have to treat someone the same as you have before. I also understand the idea that you forgive not for the other person but for yourself. I even understand that forgiving others that have harmed you contributes to your healing so you do not carry baggage from one situation to the next regardless of the dynamics. But aside from occasssionally rekindling friendships with people I have previously ended ties with, I have never given much thought to forgiveness until recently & not in the conventional way that has been presented to us since youth.

Though I am actively learning forgiveness in the way it has been presented; I have started to practice a form of forgiveness that we do not hear about often; forgiving myself. I recognize that once I have fully forgiven myself & healed from the shortcomings I have done to myself, it is then that I have reached the threshold of emotional intelligence that would allow me to consciously forgive others who have harmed me, hurt me or disappointed me. But before I can forgive anyone for what they have done to me, I have to first forgive myself for short changing myself in situations I know I should not have whether it was a romantic and/or friendly relationship or a professional situation in which I have accepted something that I should not have.

For far too long women put ourselves last on the list of priorities in our lives. We have knowingly turned our cheeks while someone lied to us looking directly in our faces. We have brought food & continued to bring food to a table that was only half standing. We have allowed people to take away our worth, devalue us or humiliate us. We have succumbed to substance abuse or other addictive & harmful behaviors failing to tend to our true needs. We have convinced ourselves that what we feel is not good enough & that the other woman or the other man is better than us; that they are more worthy. We have told ourselves we are not capable & we have taken life from our own souls in an attempt to deposit life into someone else’s. We stopped viewing ourselves in our rightful role as queen & have allowed ourselves to be servants when we did not want to be. We have forgotten who we were in the name of reminding someone else who they were & we have carried our burdens on our back throughout our lives without giving ourselves the appropriate time to heal from our pain, saddness & our experiences. Though, we can not blame ourselves for the actions of others, we have to be accountable for the things we have repeatedly allowed other people to do to us so that we never let it happen again.

Conglomerates, it is time we start loving into ourselves in a forgiving & nurturing way. We can do this by moving on from our past that we hold ourselves accountable for so that we can move on in a healthy way. As woman we hold ourselves more accountable for the things that happen to us instead of accepting our circumstances as what they are. We have to acknowledge that our experiences are a learning process & as long as we continue learning than we have obtained what we needed to obtain from the situation. We have to remind ourselves that it is time to stop punishing ourselves for what we are holding on to & move forward. There is strength & courage behind the ability to heal & forgive ourselves as well as the forgiveness we give to others. We do not have to be ashamed of the hiccups because they contribute to who & what we are today. Each of these experiences make us beautiful but we should no harbor them to the degree that they taint our beauty. We need to forgive ourselves so we can evolve to our highest potential. Once we learn to let go & forgive ourselves it is then that we (at least myself) can truly experience a happy life that includes the experience of forgiving others. Until then conglomerates take your time. Forgive yourself as you heal & bring yourself to terms with the things that have happened so forgiveness becomes a task that simply starts to comes easily. We are doing this–TOGETHER.


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