Good morning conglomerates,
Thank you for checking in with Nickkie&CO. another week. Today, I want to address a topic many women have concerns about; weight. True weight discussions, especially in the realm I am discussing today, are often avoided because too many people are unsure how to address the topic out of concern of offending someone. But a topic that activates so much insecurity in us needs to be addressed. Weight in some way or form has always been a struggle for me. Whether I struggled to put on weight or lose it, I have always been super aware of how I looked in the mirror. I have surely been on both sides of the spectrum; struggling to gain weight & obsessed with losing it. So now that my pursuit is the later, I am the first to admit that I am extremely hard on myself. I fall short of acknowledging how far I have come & have become obsessed with telling myself that I have to do better.
Instead of talking about how I lost my initial 20-25 pounds, I want to discuss how I have erred & have sacrificed self-loving myself by letting my obsession with weight loss dictate how I am feeling some days. Since I have started this weight loss pursuit I have become my own worst critic. Despite this, I would say that I do not make unreasonable goals that result in a fluctuation of my momentum. I do not look at other women’s progress & compare it to mine & I do not make their body my “body goal” because I know all women’s body’s are different & the time & effort put in to reach results, vary. Instead, I use their journey as inspiration that one day— “Nick, will reach her maximum too”. So, all in all, the problem I am addressing today lies in how I talk to myself sometimes. It lies in how disappointed I feel when I eat something I should not have or if I have not made it to the gym. Like most people in this situation, my problem is mental. But today, I am willing to be transparent & express my lackluster ability to encourage myself at times. As a result, out of fear of “erasing” my accomplishments; I have deprived myself from some of the treats that contribute to simply enjoying life. Sadly, despite how far I hear I have come; I often fail to accept that I am not where I once was. I often do so by staring at my bloated belly & back rolls like they have betrayed me. My inability to recognize my accomplishments as what they are has resulted in me being extremely harsh to myself.
Gratefully, I can recognize that this is not ok! I advocate self-love & it is important that I practice what I preach. Though self-love is a constant, evolving journey; how I speak to myself is a big indicator of how well I love into myself. In talking harshly to myself, I place expectations for others that I do not always follow when it comes to the treatment I receive. As I share my inhibitions, short-comings & areas of growth, I know there are other women, much like myself, or who struggle with self-image & eating disorders. Though I can acknowledge that I have not reached that level of self-disatisfaction, I am not naive to believe I can not be susceptible to such things. So I have to recognize maltreatment to myself now so I do not hit an extreme later.
If you are effected by some variation of this, I assure you, because I am learning this myself, that you are a harder critic to yourself than anyone. Your weight or your journey does not determine your value. Enjoying a cheat meal (or two, or three) does not make you any less worthy. Our bodies need fuel to allow us to be our best selves, always. Sadly, in our minds we have programmed that a few errors eradicates the weeks, months & years we have contributed to our fitness &/or weight-contentment (totally just made that up) journey. But life is all about enjoying ourselves & deprivation is not the solution. We are beautiful despite how soft, squishy or solid we are. It is ok for us make goals for ourselves & aim to slay giants in our way but we must do so with reason; by loving the process, acknowledging the process, embracing the setbacks & remaining affectionate to ourselves. If we abuse & mistreat ourselves we will never feel good enough for ourselves or others. We will set low standards for how other people treat us. Find friends that encourage you, document your progress & speak kindly to yourself; even when you do not want to. How you speak to yourself is the best or worst thing you could do to yourself, so be kind & do not give up on yourself; you will get there.