Today there will not be a memoir. I was away at a church retreat & couldn’t find the time to write. I’ll be back next week.
Today there will not be a memoir. I was away at a church retreat & couldn’t find the time to write. I’ll be back next week.
Hello Babes!!! Happy New Year!! It is only 5 days into the New Year & I am extremely eager to see what the rest of 2020 has to offer (despite how cliche’ that may sound). Because these past 5 days are a complete turn around from what the last 6 months of 2019 showed me. The truth is, I spent that last 6 months of 2019 anxious & depressed. Both feelings I promised I would not allow myself to succumb to ever again. I struggled severely with keeping my feelings under control & not letting the heavy burden of depression take me out. I look back today, still fighting my own battles grateful that I was able to recognize the signs & act on them before this battle became significantly harder for me to win.
I lost the desire to live. I sacrificed the philanthropic missions of my brand, I stopped praying, struggled to read & meditate on the word, go to church, failed to engage with my loved ones, avoided social gatherings, stopped going to the gym, did not eat, did not want to write memoirs & lost the desire to do all the things I loved. It felt like the internal battle that told me to “give in” & the other that told me “not to give up” was going to take me out one way or another. Because it is so much easier to give into negativity than to keep fighting when the positive seems so far away. It was in that moment that I realized that I needed reinforcements.
Reinforcement that did not include bogging my friends down in my sorrow. Because although they are supportive, I was fearful to dump the extent of my issues on them. So I sought help. I reached out to a spiritual, African American therapist who understood my desire to be replanted spiritually & who helped me manage my anxiety & attack my depression with strategies. With her encouragement & my tenacious desire to see the end of this, I have progressed significantly. I also became apart of the mentorship program at church- which helped me continue to stay rooted spiritually & reminded me that God did not leave me but is instead walking right along side me.
Although I still have a way to go, I will not take from the fact that I am significantly further in my walk than I was when I first started it 7 months ago. I laugh now, I am reading again, driven & motivated to see tasks through & my schedule has been booked with social gatherings with the people I love. I made it; I am making it & I pray that you see my testimony as a means to see that you can make it too. Depression is not your friend & it is not something you should get use to living with. Do not be ashamed to seek help. We get use to coping with our trauma & experiences a certain way that we do not understand when those coping mechanisms do not work anymore. Sometimes we need to be able to just dump that on someone trained & skilled to help us master new ways to cope. As we get older we need to be able to find new ways to survive.
Do not be ashamed. My proudest moment in all my life is that I was able to recognize when enough was enough & seek help. I fought for my life back & although some days may be difficult I do not accept that those difficult moments are more than just that – moments. Do it for yourself. You will be grateful you did it in the end. Trust me.
As we leave 2019 & embark on new adventures with 2020; I want to encourage you to remain humble, be grateful for your blessings & make time for the people you love. Leave behind old grudges, be open to new experiences, make new friends & tackle the goals you have kept putting off. Although we look on to the new year with optimism; we often carry in the old baggage from the year before. We express excitement initially & eventually fall into old habits. However, we deserve more than carrying the things that do not bring us joy into the new year. Despite being unaware of the lessons, challenges & losses the new year may bring us; we must live it to the best of our ability. Because it is ours to make worth while.
Welcome it with open arms.
You deserve all the GOOD it has to offer. Be ready to embrace it.
As we go through life, we have experiences that force us out of our comfort zone & that inevitably requires us to grow. However, sometimes our experiences cause us to evolve in ways that require us to outgrow things we were once interested in & people we couldn’t live without; without any apparent reason. Many times we recognize when this is occuring & feel guilty for feeling this way. But today I am encouraging you to accept this part of the journey when it happens.
Our lives go in different directions & unfortunately everyone can’t go. Sometimes keeping the company you once kept will keep you in a box you have long outgrown. Because the truth is, as your life changes so will your circle. But if you limit yourself to only your “day ones” you will likely limit the opportunities & experiences that will further promote your advancement. As harsh as this seems, the truth is, we outgrow people who are not growing. You can still love them, wish them well, pray for them, be kind when you see them but their lack of growth should never limit yours. You must be mindful of that.
This occurrence is normal. We all experience it & it is nothing to feel guilty about. As we get older our perspective changes along with the way we receive & process things. Sometimes it takes recognizing that some people need a little more time & we can’t wait for them. Where your life is going may very well not be the same direction they are going. That’s ok! Love them for the time they contributed to your life but love yourself more to let it go.
Two Thousand Nineteen is rapidly coming to an end & although I am not a “New Year’s Resolution” person; the lessons I have learned this year have equipped me to focus on building a skill that otherwise I have never put into practice my whole 30 years of life.
That skill is to BE STILL.
I am not & have never been the most patient person. I struggle when things do not appear to go in the way I expected & I become extremely inpatient when things happen at a slow place. I realize that my need to react quickly & control various aspects of my life has caused me to settle or find myself in less than ideal situations. But what I learned is that the reward for being patient is always more beautiful if I just remain still.
This week a friend & I had a conversation about waiting & letting God do his thing. We discussed how difficult it is for us to accomplish this sometimes & then she received confirmation in such a beautiful way. She had a potted plant outside that she brought in her home from the harsh winter weather. In the plant was a cocooned caterpillar going through the evolution to become a butterfly. When I think of the butterfly, I instantly think of process of evolution to become so beautiful. However, what she said to me resonated significantly with this part of my life I am currently in.
The butterfly is significant in that it knows how to be still & let nature take its course until its done! Like you said… it doesn’t come out a second sooner. Such is with God’s timing. We want things to happen on our time or work on something & expect immediate results. Not so! Sometimes (we) just need to be still & let God work for (us) & through (us) instead of trying to do it (ourselves) or rush! There are alot of lessons to be learned from caterpillars & butterflies. In watching them develop, it would appear that they’re not “doing anything”. But we know once the transportation is complete that they have been doing a lot of internal & still work. It takes a lot to be still in this world that pushes people to be constantly engaged in activity & to “take the bull by the horns” etc.
So with that loves, I encourage you to take this example & apply it to your life. Assess when it is a time for you to act & when it is not meant for you to remain still. Be patient with yourself & the process. Our lack of ability to just be still can be insulting to God & I am starting to understand that. Because it implies that we much rather believe in our plan than his infinite plans for our lives. So when you feel the need to make rash decisions, remember the benefits of being still. After all, he did promise that he will fight for us, we need only to be still.
The holiday season has arrived & Christmas is quickly approaching. Stores are promoting sales, lines are long, packages are delivered in shorter time frames & traffic is everywhere. But along with these things we have been conditioned to accept; there is something else that is inevitable with the holiday season- depression. I hate to put a damper on such a cheerful time of the year, however, this season is not so cheerful for everyone & seasonal depression is real.
I know we can get caught up in our own lives but please take the time to reach out to your loved ones. Many people struggle silent battles, especially during this time of the year. What is meant to be a joyous time decorated with lights & bliss is a dark abyss for others. Therefore, we have to be sure that we do not forget them by letting them know we are here.
Small gestures go a long way- phone calls, text messages, loving pop ups, friends-mas get togethers, movie times, etc. Sometimes it is not about talking about the issues, it is just feeling that someone is there. So if you have not heard from a friend in a while, please just take a few moments to check in on them, tell them that you love them & make your presence known. The possibility that they have been busy is there; but in the off chance that it has been a struggle for them; you have just become a glimmer of light in their dark tunnel. Remember, the holiday season calls for togetherness & inclusivity not just gift giving & holiday hustle. Use this time to empathize & spread the joy others may be missing.
To be thankful is to feel or express gratitude. During difficult times & the hustle of the holiday season; it is easy to lose track of the “simple” things that have been afforded to us that we often take forgranted. It is easy, especially during the holidays, to fret over superficial things that will not necessarily matter in a few weeks. We get caught up in the sales advertised by retailers & bound up by the financial burden of purchasing gifts for loved ones. So today, I want to inspire you to be thankful even when your desired situation appears bleak.
As cliche’ as this may sound, every day truly is a gift. Every day we have our health & sound mind is an added bonus. Anything aside from that is an opportunity to start each day over; to make it better than the last. Having a thankful mindset will have a significant impact on our day, our perspective & allows us to be more aware of the little blessings that make each moment worth living.
So I urge you not to get caught up in what you don’t have & appreciate what you do. You woke up today, have the means to read this memoir, have love to give, are loved by people who matter to you & are given new mercy every morning you open your eyes. So don’t stress over the unknown. Don’t become overwhelmed by what you lack or the things that will make your life easier. God will provide relief. So in the meantime, as I always say, relish. Relish in the moments, the opportunities & the possibilities & be thankful for them. Because a thankful heart is a blessing to itself & those around it.
Kindness is the act of being friendly, generous or considerate. Since I started Nickkie&Co I have been an advocate for kindness, humbleness & humility as a default response. However, today, I still advocate for the the same thing but want to stress the importance of being kind without the need of the public eye. See social media, with all the wonderful things it has allowed us to do, has also made acts of kindness feel CHEAP.
With social media, it appears people may be more inclined to express random acts of kinness, however at the cost of exposing the need of the other person. Our generation has picked up the habit of recording our highest moments while showcasing the lowest moments of someone else. The temporary praise from acquaintances is so short lived that I wonder if it is even worth it. Because to pump up our own egos, we put the spotlight directly on an individual who would likely rather be invisible in their current state.
So today, I urge you to be mindful of this. I ask that you continue to be kind but do so just to make someone’s day a little easier or to put a smile on their face. Do not expose people’s hardships for a few cheap minutes of glory. Because life has an interesting way to humble us & at the lowest moments of our lives we would not want the world watching us on LIVE. Be kind because it is the right thing to do. Be kind because your heart inclines you to do so & be kind enough to make a difference for those who may need it without expecting anything – glory, praise or blessings in return. Because at the end of the day, it is you who has to lay down & live with you. Make sure you like who you presented yourself to be that day. Be kind without a cost.
Listen, we are all guilty of this. Life throws curve balls at us, makes things uncomfortable & we instantly neglect anything that brings enjoyment to our lives. We become so consumed with what is going on around us that we forget to take a moment away & still try to enjoy life. We instantly kick into overdrive by trying to get things back in order & neglect everything else including anything & everything that makes us happy.
A very good friend of mine has a milestone birthday today. She organized this beautiful get together to celebrate. However, with some new stressful events that have transpired she has contemplated canceling. Now do not get me wrong, I totally get it. But sometimes just having a moment to not have to worry about the cares of the world is just what the doctor ordered. We need moments away. We need happiness. Joy. Moments that remind us what life is about. Moments that remind us that despite what is going on around us- it is going to be ok.
We have to take better care of ourselves. When things go wry our natural reaction should not be to punish ourselves out of enjoyment. We have to work hard to push ourselves out of ruts that may cause us to miss out on life’s beautiful moments. In fact, in these moments, we need to expose ourselves to more positive experiences as a way to keep our hearts, desires & passions pumping through us – giving us life & keeping is alive. Unfortunate things happen; things we can not control. Therefore it is important that we make the things we can control count. Because at the end of the day, that is what truly matters. You know, the moments we MAKE count.
Hey Conglomerates!! I’m back & my trip to Jamaica was amazing. It was exactly what I needed to feel refreshed & ready to hit you with new content & get my mind right. Being in the tranquil environment of Jamaica gave me alot of time to reflect. It helped heal me from all the chaos I left behind in the United States & all the turmoil I spent months surpressing. Jamaica was the release I needed to get back to being me & I am so grateful. Which leads me to today’s memoir.
A few months ago I was in a short lived relationship with a guy who shortly decided that the relationship did not suit him. I was devasted. I instantly made it an issue about me & what I could have done better to keep my relationship flourishing. Despite how much I overanalyzed, I came up short; EVERYTIME. However, as of late, I have come to the realization that what I was making an issue about me; very well was NOT an issue about me. Instead of self loathing & blaming myself, the truth is that – everything not for us is not because we did something for it not to be for us. We so quickly take rejection and make it an US issue instead of a THEY issue. We do this with everything. We do this with interpersonal relationships, jobs, interviews, etc. However, sometimes, regardless of the circumstances, the fit just was not a fit for us.
I have been learning to accept that there are things that just are not destined for me & that how hard I want something & try to make the pieces come together; God has the final say. This is when faith comes in. I have to believe that through FAITH God WILL provide better & sometimes the loss at that particular time can very well be protecting me from heartbreak or disappointment in the future.
So love, stop trying to muster up the answers to questions that you probably really should not get the answer to. Do not beat yourself up trying to figure out how you could have changed your situation; instead thank God for the lesson, reflect on the experience & wait for the best to come. The hardest thing to accept is that regardless of how much we plan, things really just are not on our time. Sometimes there are potholes & roadblocks in the way. That alone just builds our resistance. Because the truth is, you can not control anything other than getting to the finish line. But you just have to ensure you get there.