Unfortunately, in order to become who we are meant to be, pain is apart of the process. That being the case, I have had my share of pain that has been inflicted by rejection, abandonment & disappointment. As time progressed, I learned how to not allow what hurt me to cripple me from advancement & that beauty is morphed from my pain.
I was born a fatherless child to a young single mother who harbored her own pain. Although I did not know it then, I carried that pain for a long time & used his abandonment as an excuse to distrust & dislike people. I chose not to live my life or engage with new people out of fear of becoming a familiar friend to abandonment & rejection, yet again. I had a personable personality, but put the people who loved me through hell to ensure their intent was genuine. As time progressed & I loosened the reigns, I began to trust the wrong people. People who were less than worthy of my time. People who reminded me of what it felt like to be that little girl who was rejected by her father. People who took advantage of my vulnerability & my new attempt to forgive & disguised it as love. People who made it difficult to trust when amazing people who are worthy step in.
As I pursue new adventures with new people, I hold certain lesson extremely close to my heart. For instance, putting people under strict confines, not only made me a sh*tty person, it is asking for people to screw up. There is a clear difference between bad people & people who make a mistake & just because someone makes a mistake, does not make them a bad person. Being anti-social does not hurt the people that hurt me, but instead limits me from reaching my potential & engaging with people that can offer enjoyable experiences & lasting relationships. Some people are not supposed to be around forever. Sometimes their season is to serve a purpose & to go on their way. However, I learned to appreciate the people who stuck around even when I was not worth sticking around for. Although I still work through my trauma, I am healed enough to know that it is important to take ownership of my pain, regain my power & live my life.
The aftermath of my pain has given me the ability to empathize with those that are hurting & has allowed me to speak life into those who need it. I encourage you to do the same. People need your testimony. Your pain alone gives you a story to tell. A story of a journey consistent with perseverance & healing. Pain, although the effects can be long lasting, was never meant to be around forever. It’s purpose is to make a bad situation a positive transformation. What we gain from the experience, we are to help pour into others. We should never get it mixed up – pain is temporary. YOU are FOREVER.
Ladies, the older I get the more I can identify with the mindset that minding my own business allows me all the opportunities to literally, mind my own business. Unfortunately, we have been conditioned to engulf ourselves in the lives of others. So much so, that we can barely embrace the effects of what is going on in our own lives. We allow other people’s circumstances to spark a flame in our lives instead of fueling a fire that allow us to become & remain inspired in a way that benefits us. We become inspired by other people’s misery & wonder why our lives are not where we want them to be, why our goals have not be obtained & why we are always in some form of mess/drama. Well, say hello to the side effects of not minding your own business.
In order to tackle obstacles & make our dreams a reality, we have to literally take the time we spend checking on the lives of others & apply it to our own. Because the truth is, none of us are in a place where we should be comfortable knowing & searching for all the scoop on someone’s else’s life knowing we can always be in a better place than where we are now. There is nothing on this earth worth inhibiting us from striving to be our best selves. How interesting it is, is irrelevant. It serves as a distraction. A distraction from finding our ideal job, going back to school, tending to our families or opening our own businesses. So it is imperative that we strive to actively mind our own business. If it is not self-productive, it is not business to be tended to.
So before we entertain the action in someone else’s life, we need to think about the time we are sacrificing & how we can apply it to something else; something more productive. We are big girls & life, as I always say, is too short. Too short to strive for anything other than someone better than we are today. Remember that.
As my past would tell you, I often have a hard time remaining positive in difficult situations. I learned through my experiences that it is a heck of alot easier to keep & maintain a negative perspective over a positive one. As of the past 2 years I have made a deliberate & conscious effort to affirm positivity even when I feel the exact opposite way. Because the truth is, “don’t nobody have time” to be sitting around wallowing in a battle we can win if we just change our perspective. Therefore, today, I want to encourage you to do the same thing. I understand that initially this perspective is easier said than done, however, it gets easier & infectious with time.
We have to understand (despite how cliche this may or may not sound) that there is not one obstacle placed in front of us that we cannot overcome. Life throws some pretty unwanted situations at us; however, keeping our eyes on the rainbow that appears at the end of the storm will help significantly. Understand that remaining positive does not negate what we are feeling but it helps with feeling better sooner. As we get better at this, far more than our perspective will change. This is a reward worth receiving once we master this amazing way of thinking.
I encourage you to combate offensive thoughts swiftly & indefinitely. As an unwanted thought slips into your brain, open your mouth & affirm the exactly opposite. Do not give it life by speaking it out loud. It is not worthy to be given such power, & most importantly, it is beneath you. You are more powerful ¬equipped to succumb to the unwanted side effects that come along with negative thought processing. Life is not meant to bring you down. Instead, it is supposed to be the best teacher & contribute to a lifetime of experiences. Anything other than that, we are giving it too much credit. Credit it does not deserve & what it has not worked for. You truly are the master of your destiny– how will you let your thinking influence it?
I am a firm believer that we have been put on this earth with the appropriate resources that ensures our survival. I believe that everything that we need to survive our experiences has been placed within us or on this earth to ensure we live our lives to its maximum potential. In being properly equipped, we have been gifted with the “ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.” This gift is our intuition, often referred to as the “women’s intuitions”, our “gut instinct” or our “gift of discernment.” I can not tell you how many times I have been severely disappointed when I have ignored that uneasy feeling in circumstances that I should not have. Therefore, today, I advocate that we take the time to listen to our gut – always; because I am a true example of what happens if we choose to ignore or embrace our ability to tap into it.
The worst & best thing I have ever done was to listen &/or ignore what my intuition was telling me. After many heartbreaks & bad decisions, finally, after 30 years of life; I learned to embrace all of its glorious wonders. It has taught me to be a better decision maker for myself & for my loved ones, to use my discernment when meeting new people or receiving new information & it has increased my creativity, significantly. As I continue to embrace this ability, it comes more naturally & the confidence I have built in my willingness to make difficult decisions has increased. In believing in myself & paying attention to my instincts I have been able to make sound decisions that I have not regretted after making them. I have learned to become more patient with decisions & understand the importance of sitting back, processing the circumstances & returning with a well thought out solution that will work in my favor.
Therefore, I want to encourage you to do the same. Listen to your gut & embrace what it is telling you. If you feel uneasy, if something does not seem right, sit on it, pray about it & act accordingly. We spend so much of our time negating what we already know & forcing what we want to happen by ignoring this small but enormous gift that was afforded to us. Trusting ourselves enough to allow what is natural to us to protect us, is the best thing that we can do for ourselves. The only person that has anything to lose in not trusting ourselves, is ourselves. So, check in with yourself. Stop ignoring yourself under the pretense that you’re “doing too much” or you’re “being extra”; you owe no one else the benefit of the doubt but yourself. You will take better care of you than anyone else can, so believe in YOU when YOU nudges YOU.
Although women are coming forward encouraging & advocating for themselves in ways that have not always been so prevelant before, it has always been important. For a long time, women have been an oppressed population. From employment opportunities, to policy changes put in place to hinder & dictate our actions – the oppressive intent is evident. As a result, we must be up in arms, always. At this point, if you hurt one, limit & restrict one; you have hurt, limit & restrict us all. Because women empowerment is more than empowering & encouraging women. It is about empathy, relation, understanding, encouragement & awareness, etc. Women empowerment is love. However, many times, the things that are occurring to us & around us encompass everything but the ability to empower women.
To get to the point that policy change happens based on the true necessities & demands of women, we can start small so that we can move bigger. We want better treatment but fail to exhibit better treatment amongst ourselves. Therefore, we can empower & encourage all women, whether we know them or not, consistently, with the intent to spread healing amongst other women. We walk by many women on a regular basis; however, we are more inclined to judge her before telling her she is bomb. We are less likely to empathize with a woman who is having a rough day without knowing her story first & we look at women individually instead of as a contribution to what they are to us as a group.
Each woman represents something for us individually & as a whole- the ability to grow, overcome adversity, create & maintain life (whether from their flesh or not), & the ability to survive & thrive. We need to begin to treat each other as valued treasure before we can expect anyone else to see us the same way. We need to stop comparing ourselves to other women to determine the traits we have that makes us a better woman. We need to look for opportunities to heal each other so we can sustain each other. Women fight many battles but it should never be a battle that we are fighting amongst ourselves. Regardless of the story of the person who receives these messages, it is important that we remind them in various & creative ways that we all are loved, capable & not alone.
Last week I was having weekly supervision with my supervisor. As we were talking about accomplished tasks, follow ups & deadlines; he stopped suddenly & with a straight face, asked me how I was managing my stress. I looked at him & then to the ceiling trying to search for the answer in my head. The realization then dawned on us both, right in that instant- I didn’t. I was not actively managing my stress. The things that I once did to keep me in my Zen have eventually fallen to the wayside due to the high demands of my job. Oddly enough, after coming short with an answer, I became embarrassed. Not because I didn’t have the answer to the question that he was asking me, but because I realized I have been neglecting myself so much while I advocate for all of you to do the exact opposite. His question convicted me & made me realize that in my busy life, I have neglected the sure thing that keeps me moving EVERY DAY – Me.
Listen, I have learned that stress is inevitable. It will always be there; some times more than others. However, it is important that we recognize when our bodies tells us that we are stressed & that we establish sure ways to ensure that we manage it – at all times. It never truly goes away. Even when mentally, stress doesn’t appear evident; our bodies experience different degrees of stress on a daily basis. Therefore, it is important that we proactively address stress in our day-to-day routine & have the answer of how we manage it if asked by someone who cares about us.
Life is too short, we are too valuable & stress is too dangerous to sweep it to the side. As we manage our stress, other facets of our lives will come together. Stress is not something that we are supposed to be content living with. Our mental & physical health is way too significant to fail ourselves in this way. Manage now … be sound & happy later.
Being brave is the ability to endure unpleasant conditions or behavior without succumbing to fear. Unfortunately, with all that is going on around us, it is extremely important that we recognize the times in which we need to stand up & go against the grain; even if it is not always the most popular opinion. It is no secret that there are many injustices that happen on a regular basis. Thankfully, technology & social media has helped significantly with the exposure of unjust, inequitable & preferential treatment; so much so, that the things that use to be swept under the rug are now the red kool-aid stain on your white rug & extremely hard to ignore.
When we see these actions, we instantly ban up together, express our distaste for a few weeks & allow our hashtags to take the social media world by storm. However, human nature does better at talking about the issues when there is a group of people around us with the same mindset. But in the event we are alone & witness the foul treatment of someone else, can we all truly say that we will remain fueled the same way? It is easy say ‘yes’ now, but as life would have it, under the right circumstances & situations our ‘yes’ can easily turn into a ‘no’. Shock & fear can bring out characteristics in us that are far from what we portray ourselves to be. That is ok, it is actually quite normal. Besides, you are not required to be anything more than human. However, the trick is to do what’s right in non-adverse & adverse situations; regardless of the fear that tells us to remain dormant & to do nothing.
We have to attempt to be brave- always. All situations are not always extreme but they do matter. We should never be dissuaded from standing up, with & next to what we believe in. Our ability to define ourselves & our integrity is rooted in that. Therefore, be brave when pursuing all your goals, be brave for your loved ones & strangers when they can not be. Be brave enough to speak out against injustices, be brave enough to love even when you are hurt. Be brave in the face of adversity. Be brave enough to implement change for the generations after you & be brave enough to make those before you proud. Be brave & break generational curses. Be brave enough to fight the fight others are too tired to fight. Shed light on what is hidden in the dark & be brave enough to admit vulnerability. Be brave enough to pray & to cry. Be brave to laugh when it is hard. Be brave to combat mental illness & brave enough to seek help when you need it. Be creative in your bravery & tie your bravery to your integrity.
With audaciousness there is nothing you cannot do. There is no giant you cannot slay.
As an adult, I reflect often on the topics we discussed in school. I realize that schools, in some way, do not really equip us for real life. You know, with the stuff that really matters, like- how to invest, the importance of having good credit, the benefits of saving early & budgeting accordingly. It is almost like we weren’t geared to fully live our best lives without debt & excess. We were told to desire to be rich but were not provided the proper resources to teach us how to be. It was ingrained in us that the sure way to live comfortably is to finish school, get a job with a high salary, & to save our money in a standard savings account. We were not told the other options to help us “get rich” or to be financially independent. In fact, the advice given to us initially, in my opinion, was pretty bad advice. College is a large reason why many of us are in debt, high paying jobs are not easily accessible & a standard savings account gives you zilch for interest as your money sits there & does nothing but be the same amount you deposited. That advice made us ill-equipped to thrive comfortably without understanding the struggle first.
Now, we have to force ourselves to figure it out on our own. We have to force ourselves to research the options & not fall into the trap of incurring tons of debt that is impossible to pay off. The days of living above our means & incurring debt we cannot pay is long behind us. Living paycheck to paycheck was not God’s intent when he placed us on this Earth to thrive. Therefore, we must prepare to change our mindset & keep those days behind us. The days of living above our means in order to keep is now over. We must begin to welcome a life that prohibits struggling in retirement & working ourselves to death without being able to experience our loved ones. They deserve to have us there while having access to our legacy after we are gone. We must learn to work this financial system to our advantage so we never have to remember what it is to struggle again. Because the truth is, we all want nice things, but the picture is bigger than that.
We need to obtain & utilize resources that allow us to familiarize ourselves with what is available to us. Learn the importance of investing, monitoring, book keeping, accounting & financial advising. Although they seem out of reach, they are services we can utilize now for our benefit. We cannot continue to have a billionaire mindset with an impoverished lifestyle because at some point the well of desire will run dry & we will begin to make irrational & unhealthy financial choices that we cannot afford to. Please understand that the financial choices you make now do not only effect you, they effect the generations after you. Living a life plagued with debt is a generational curse that we do not need to succumb to. We can break the chain of discomfort & teach our children the same thing. No one wants to end their life paying back debt that could have been avoided. Furthermore, no one wants to leave the burden of suffering on their families so we need to think smart- NOW.
Start doing the research. Start paying off your debt now so you do not have to worry about it later. Start budgeting. Monitor your trends in spending & sacrifice what you need to cut back on. Start investing your money & teaching your children the value of a dollar, teach them the pros & cons to credit scores & explain how interest rates work & do not work in their favor. Teach them to live with as little debt as possible so that after you are gone you can be sure that if you taught them anything, you taught them money. Our lives & their lives are too valuable to miss this knowledge like we did. Share it abundantly. The generation needs it.
Every week, I discuss the importance of believing in yourself, advocating for yourself & being inspired enough to make a difference. However, this stuff will be quite difficult to do if you are unable to bet & take risks on yourself. We are in an age where many of us aspire in different ways to provide for ourselves & our loved ones by our own means. The most interesting part about this is that many of us have already evaluated the ways in which we can do so but we lack the confidence to just do it.
Today I tell you to be proud. I encourage you to have the confidence you need to take the big step & pursue the things you have always wanted to do. People think that in order to chase after dreams, to pursue new aspirations or to tread new waters they have to sacrifice everything. That cannot be further than the truth. We are muli-faceted creatures capable of living, doing & focusing on multiple things to fulfill our heart’s desire. Daily, we multitask & work hard fullfilling the dreams & visions of someone else. Therefore, you owe it to yourself to fit your desires in your hectic schedule; by your own means, at your own time. I started Nickkie&Co. knowing that one day it will have a larger mission than empowering people through an empowerment blog. However, this is the foundation & I am totally content with where it is right now. I am on my own timeline & what will come will come. I simply had one job & that was to take the risk. Now that the risk was taken, the rest will surely follow.
Today, I ask you to reflect a little bit. Has there been anything you always wanted to do? Something that can transform your life in a way that will give you a joy you have never felt before? If you woke up tomorrow & had the opportunity to invest in ONE thing that makes you an even better you, without thinking of finances, or comments from nay-sayers, what would you do?
Last week I have come to the hard realization that in order to truly be my best self & represent Nickkie&CO. in excellence, a hiatus was needed. Other than posting these memoirs, I have turned myself off from all social media platforms, answered less phone calls, engaged in less draining conversations & just wallowed & embraced what I needed to to ensure that I can get my mind right. Although, I am still processing much of what I have been feeling, this hiatus has allowed me significant time to reflect, re-wire & process what I have been feeling & what I plan to do about it. As of the past few months my well of overflow has been draining tremendously (significant life changes tend to do that to you), & I recognize how much more difficult it is to function in a world where you want to give but are feeling too empty to do so. However, I know how important it is to me to make a difference, sprinkle a little kindness through out the world & practice loving everyone without conditions. Therefore, despite how I have been feeling, I still find it important to share my truth & reflection while offering transparency.
It was not until I took this hiatus that I realized that despite what I have been advocating for– I have been recently guilty of this too– most of us are living a life to just live it & we have not put much thought into how we do it. We have been just striving to survive. We get out of bed everyday without wanting anything more than to get through the work day, provide for our families & start over the next day. Many of us have not given ourselves much more to look forward to aside from the weekends. That is unacceptable. We should & are capable to want more than that because the truth is we are not limited to only having what we have but in fact, we are entitled to have more. We should want to get up with the intention to leave a legacy behind that is worth talking about when we are gone. We should strive to profess things out of our mouths that will come to pass & we should be comfortable wanting more so that we never get comfortable settling. This coupled with the kind of energy we put out into the world is a definite recipe to success.
Life is not about just scratching the surface of survival. It is about obtaining the prize & then sharing that knowledge with those who have not learned this effective way of thinking. So many of us go through life just accepting what life has dealt us instead of recognizing the power we have to influence what is going on around us. We are divine beings put on this Earth to do more than just create an impact for ourselves. Our success is significantly influenced by what we think, how we speak, what we listen to, what we read & how we spend our spare time. There are 24 hours in a day which gives us 24 hours to do something effective that can propel our lives in a completely different direction. Unfortunately, we all have our vices, but none of these vices are significant enough to keep us out of the race. We have to claim & strive for greatness, whatever you give out into the world is guaranteed to be returned to you. So be positive, be productive, be kind, be empathetic, & be impactful. There is not one thing on this earth that can resist you if you claim it for yourself. There is not one thing on this earth that you are not deserving of & there is not one thing that you have learned that you cannot teach someone else.
I have done amazing things by professing out of my mouth the things I want to claim over my life. I have claimed healing on parts of my body that have been hindered, I have professed overflow of funds when my finances have been at stake & I have professed happiness over the lives of others when they were in a dark place in their lives & I have seen them all manifest. There is nothing we are not capable of because we are truly mighty. There is naturally an anointing over our lives that make this mindset effective if we follow through with action. Therefore, starting today, I challenge you to do more than just live. Strive, profess & confess what is yours & what you plan to do about it. With positive energy & a positive mindset there is not one thing that can be kept from you. It may not work out in the timeframe that you want it to but I can guarantee it will be yours if you claim it.