I spend so much time thinking about the various aspects of my life where I have once been passionate & have now become lukewarm or complacent. I often give myself a hard time trying to get back to the feeling I once had that had me on fire. However, today I had revelation. As hard as I am on myself & as hard as you are on yourself about things like this; everything has it’s time & it has it’s season.
Sometimes we spend so much time trying to hold on to a past feeling or experience that we forget to relish in the experience that we are experiencing right now. Even if it does not feel the way it once felt; this particular moment in time is relevant & it matters. I am coming to the realization that we are not supposed to be on fire all the time; we need moments that appear “bland” to reflect, recharge & give ourselves the mercy we often withhold from ourselves.
These are the opportunities that were created to give ourselves grace. These are the moments that make us remember that we are human & that although we desire more, every moment is not for obtaining but sometimes it’s to abstain. However, keep in mind, as hard as we are on ourselves, what we consider as our lack of effort is inspiring to someone else. We have put in so much work during the times we are motivated, that most people do not even notice when we have plateaued into complacency. As much as we would like to keep going, our battery runs out & we owe it to ourselves to be ok with not “going” all the time.
Just like platonic & romantic relationships experience seasons, the different phases of our lives are much like seasons too. Each year we experience special conditions that will either ignite something new in us or require us to dead something old. Too often, we are too stubborn to accept the transition & we blame ourselves during these transitions because we continously fail to accept that this is a normal occurrence of life. So if you spend more times than not feeling like me; I just want to remind you today to be gentle with yourself. What is meant for you will not miss you & every single thing has divine timing. You may be late getting there but I promise you, the breaks, the setbacks & the distractions have been accounted for on your journey. As long as you find the time to give grace in the process– you are doing just fine.
After each traumatic experience, we always have to find it within ourselves to pick up & start over again. Many times it takes a lot to dig deep & find the things that inspired us to be great in the first place. But what I discovered is the most difficult is not allowing the effects of the trauma to keep us from our purpose. If we lose our purpose, we lose fuel & we lose desire to keep going. What many people fail to realize is that we are called to be so much more than what we give ourselves credit for. Although our experiences make us who we are; they do not define us. So if we consistently allow those experiences to deter us from the things we are purposed to do; we have given our trauma the upper hand.
Nothing that has happened or will happen is by happenstance. However, keep in mind that all the miracles that you will partake in (known & unknown) didn’t happen by a coincidence either. There is a greater purpose with a greater picture. After the trauma passes, you will have a new appreciation of life that will allow you to make the impact on this earth that you were destined to have.
Take all the time you need but make sure you take the time to invest in yourself so you jump back in like you never left. Unfortunately, trauma is inevitable. We can’t control what people do or say to us. What happens to us is not always fair & we surely don’t ask for it. We don’t always understand the effects the trauma we experience will have on us; but certainly every single time we are faced with a choice; we can actively choose to win.
You must actively choose to win. Your purpose is counting on it.
Happy Sunday Ladies! Y'all have no idea how excited I am today! Not only is this the first Guest Inspiration that Nickkie&Co. has had in a long time; the first one in 2022! But this Guest Inspiration, Yaazmyn Rosa, is very dear to my heart. Yaaz is a phenomenal woman. Mother, sister, nurse, podcast co-host (Tap into it: Shot of Discourse) & friend are just a few titles she holds. She is what one would describe as fierce, strong & inspiring. But what has been exciting about her has been her willingness to be super transparent about her need to heal & her desire to be a better person to herself FOR herself; FOR a change. I am truly honored to have been on the sidelines watching her journey as she questioned the things she thought she knew, challenged new perspectives & required herself to put herself first. So ladies, please welcome our first Nickkie&CO. Guest Inspiration of 2022 with open arms; she has a testimony.
Who knew the journey to healing was going to be this hard? I always liked to think of myself as being strong. Growing up I had no choice but to be strong due to the cards God dealt me. The problem with that is, I wasn’t taught to be strong for me, I was taught to be strong for everybody else. I had to be strong for my mom because she had lost everybody close to her (my uncles, her mom, my great grand-mother) and all she had left was me , her only child. I mean she had my aunt too but not really because addiction had her. I had to be strong for a father that chose his addiction over me. I had to be strong for my great-grandmother when she lost my great-grandfather and when she became I’ll. Crazy, isn’t it?! So there I was a little girl taking on such a huge responsibility not knowing what was to come. All that being strong for everybody else cost me the most important strength of all, my own.
By my adults years, I had grown so accustomed to making sure everyone around was good that I never made sure I was good. As a matter of fact, let me change that, if everyone around me was okay, so was I. My strength and happiness became reliant on everyone around me. When they were good, I was good but when they were down, I was down. The co-dependency on others landed me at this exact moment with these feelings of not knowing who the hell I am and not knowing how to choose me and put me first. I only know me when it comes to others, smh. Here I am at my big old age trying to figure out who I am, what I like, what I dislike, what I want without anybody else’s input and when I tell you this has been the hardest thing ever, mannnn listen.
God forced me to begin to really do the work in the last 6 months of 2021. Life started spiraling and I felt like I was having a breakdown or breakthrough, depending on how you look at it. I hit rock bottom and was just stuck. Depression was not new to me but this time it just felt different. This time I couldn’t shake it. I had to do some deep soul searching to get myself out of this dark place. It felt like I began to question EVERY thing, my purpose, my faith, my friends, my family, my career, myself, literally everything. Nothing was fun to me anymore, nothing was bringing me joy anymore, it was just pure darkness and heaviness. Not even my daughter could get me out of this funk. I remember crying everyday and just asking God to make it all stop. I remember asking God to let me just feel light or not feel at all. I was so tired of being strong, I wanted to be weak. But I also felt like being weak was weak and that’s not who I was raised to be. So I began to break that generational curse and challenge myself to think and act differently. I am far from where I need to be but I am doing the work to get there. Healing is not linear.
I say all this to say give yourself grace! Please choose yourself every time! It’s okay to not be strong in times of weakness! Only rely on God and yourself because most people are always going to choose themselves.
I’ve spoken on how I came to begin my healing journey, now I am challenging you (in a positive way) to begin yours. It doesn’t matter how old you are or where you are in life, that hardest part is always starting, but just do it! You owe it to yourself to value yourself and pour all the love for everybody else into YOU! I pray whoever reads this gets inspired to dig deep and start their healing journey. Understand that some days will be harder than others, maybe even most days but do not let that discourage you from continuing to do the work. Let’s break these generational curse together. Let’s love ourselves more than anything and anyone besides God. Let’s live like we’ve never lived before! I wish you self love, self understanding, self worth and self peace.
It’s so amazing to see how God has been using me and we just started the New Year. I am seeing confirmation that when you stop trying to do things your way & let God take control he will elevate your life in ways you’ll wonder why you didn’t let him do it his way from the beginning.
Twenty twenty-two just started & I already can recognize the difference in the way that God will & is using me. Last year my perspective was different & if I was truly honest, I will admit that I spent the majority of last year truly ungrateful & resentful. I was so unappreciative of the little things that even the larger things didn’t have the impact that I needed them to have.
Do you understand what it feels like to have to admit that? That although everyday I try my hardest to walk in gratitude, something that typically came easy to me, no longer was. I found little joy in the things that made me recognize God’s presence. As a result, I spent most of last year, lost, unsatisfied & disgusted. Even as I started each day new, I still sat in the past resentful & frustrated. I was even untrusting. Everything I trusted, I stopped trusting all because, unbeknownst to me, I made an active decision to be ungrateful, to stop taking in the little-BIG things that kept me going, humble, eager & enlightened.
As I reflect back, I recognize, I can never let that happen to me again. People often think that the worst things that you can experience come from experiences imposed by other people. But sometimes the worse thing we can ever experience are the inflictions we inflict upon ourselves. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own experiences that we don’t even realize that sometimes we are the reason for our own destruction. The mindset we set forth when we face a new situation really will makes a difference. I’m grateful now that I can see it & that I am actively willing to make decisions to change last year’s trajectory this year.
I never want to feel like I felt last year; null & void & purposeless. I surely will never want that for you. I pray that my desire for more never makes me ungrateful again. Instead I pray it keeps me humble enough to remember the grace on my life.
I wish the same for you. Pay attention to the nudges that remind you that you are still alive; there’s still a journey to be had. Don’t let yourself get so discouraged that you become blind to the blessings around you. Take it all in. The good, the bad, the amazing, the ugly. God will surely turn every single thing in your favor. Let the fact that the best of your life is still approaching upon horizon & use that to keep you motivated. Do not forget the things that make you feel alive. Appreciate your creative instincts & sit in them; enjoy them; share them. Use life to give you purpose, not to take it away.
If the pandemic put anything into perspective it is that life can be going at a 100 MPH but at any moment life can put you right on your arse. Many of us were forced to reflect & re-prioritize our goals and the things most important to us.
Prior to the need to isolate- we often put our families, our self-care & individual goals to the side for the sake of our employers, careers &/or ambitious long- terms goals that kept us from being present in the moment. We attached our self worth to our titles, our employers, our bank accounts or the various things people have said to invalidate us.
Being forced to slow down & sit still has given us the ability to pay attention to what really matters. It resonates with us now that there’s so much more to life than titles & the superficial things that kept us motivated & inspired before. We understand now that once our life is over the only thing left behind is how we have made people feel. What will be left is solely that memories people have built with us.
So today —
I boldly state the obvious —
Eff anything that limits you from being who you are supposed to be for you, for your family & your loved ones. That job will replace you, that ex will continue to hinder you & that toxic friendship will limit you. Though the time has been put in, it doesn’t mean you need to keep sowing the seed.
Stay where you are wanted. Stay where the vibe is alive. Stay where there is joy & comfort. Find peace & sit in it. Prioritize the things that matter to your soul first. All the other stuff will come. As we enter the time of gratitude, be grateful & give yourself grace. Anything not aligned with your soul is not for you, regardless of how good it feels. Keep focused.
For the past few months, I have been extremely hard on myself trying to keep off the “quarantine-15” I gained a few months back. Though the progress is evident in the stats, the fact that I can’t “see” the results have caused me to lose patience & not appreciate what has been accomplished thus far. My inability to enjoy the process has caused me to be a little less than kind to myself. However, my perspective changed significantly, when I was hit with a stomach bug & had to marvel at the process my body takes to bounce back.
I actually found myself apologizing to my mind & body for not accepting what it does every day to keep me alive & in good health. I wake up every day with a sound mind, a joyful spirit & a body that pumps healthy blood through me every day. Although, it may take longer for me to physically get the results I want; underneath it all my body is working.
But the truth of the matter is- we are all guilty of this & we all owe ourselves an apology.
Too often we fail to love ourselves the way we need to. We are so much more forgiving to other people than we are to ourselves. We push ourselves to unreasonable limits under the context that we need to work harder. We maintain very abuse relationships with ourselves (physically, spiritually, mentally) & then we fix our mouths to call it “self-care”. We allow negative thoughts to invade our minds & then tell ourselves we are not doing enough. Our body tells us to rest & we still overbook ourselves & say that we are being a good friend, sister & lover. We are there for everyone but ourselves.
But what we need most, is to consistently be a good steward to ourselves. Self care does not only entail taking a bubble bath & drinking wine on a Sunday night. In fact it has everything to do with how we treat ourselves, how we talk to ourselves, how we set boundaries (even for ourselves), how we put time aside to rest & how we pay attention when any aspect of our body speaks to us.
Today, I woke up in such a grateful state of mind; it is refreshing. The past couple weeks have been quite difficult for me professionally & spiritually. However, I am amazed at my ability to not allow what is going on around me to warp my perspective. I look at my life & am eternally grateful for how far I have come despite the challenges- my health, the love that surrounds me & all the opportunities that encourage me to be a better person.
Circumstances can easily make us forget the grace & favor placed on our lives. Because of that, it is amazing that the realization of how protected I am hits me harder as I get older. Of course times get difficult & I find myself in less than ideal situations but I am breathing & still have the ability to love & be loved. My heart tells me that nothing I am facing now will last forever & that alone is something to be appreciative about.
So today, my goal is to encourage you to think of 3 things you are thankful for. If you can change your perspective even for a brief moment & pin point the specific things that make your life whole this memoir has done it’s job. I challenge you to do this every day. Every day write down or mentally note 3 different things that fill you with gratitude & keep it at the forefront of your mind as you navigate through the day. Eventually, the chaos going on around you will seem insignificant in comparison to the things that give you joy- genuine, unprecedented joy.