Mind Your Business

Ladies, the older I get the more I can identify with the mindset that minding my own business allows me all the opportunities to literally, mind my own business. Unfortunately, we have been conditioned to engulf ourselves in the lives of others. So much so, that we can barely embrace the effects of what is going on in our own lives. We allow other people’s circumstances to spark a flame in our lives instead of fueling a fire that allow us to become & remain inspired in a way that benefits us. We become inspired by other people’s misery & wonder why our lives are not where we want them to be, why our goals have not be obtained & why we are always in some form of mess/drama. Well, say hello to the side effects of not minding your own business.

In order to tackle obstacles & make our dreams a reality, we have to literally take the time we spend checking on the lives of others & apply it to our own. Because the truth is, none of us are in a place where we should be comfortable knowing & searching for all the scoop on someone’s else’s life knowing we can always be in a better place than where we are now. There is nothing on this earth worth inhibiting us from striving to be our best selves. How interesting it is, is irrelevant. It serves as a distraction. A distraction from finding our ideal job, going back to school, tending to our families or opening our own businesses. So it is imperative that we strive to actively mind our own business. If it is not self-productive, it is not business to be tended to.

So before we entertain the action in someone else’s life, we need to think about the time we are sacrificing & how we can apply it to something else; something more productive. We are big girls & life, as I always say, is too short. Too short to strive for anything other than someone better than we are today. Remember that.

Combating Negative Thinking

As my past would tell you, I often have a hard time remaining positive in difficult situations. I learned through my experiences that it is a heck of alot easier to keep & maintain a negative perspective over a positive one. As of the past 2 years I have made a deliberate & conscious effort to affirm positivity even when I feel the exact opposite way. Because the truth is, “don’t nobody have time” to be sitting around wallowing in a battle we can win if we just change our perspective. Therefore, today, I want to encourage you to do the same thing. I understand that initially this perspective is easier said than done, however, it gets easier & infectious with time.

We have to understand (despite how cliche this may or may not sound) that there is not one obstacle placed in front of us that we cannot overcome. Life throws some pretty unwanted situations at us; however, keeping our eyes on the rainbow that appears at the end of the storm will help significantly. Understand that remaining positive does not negate what we are feeling but it helps with feeling better sooner. As we get better at this, far more than our perspective will change. This is a reward worth receiving once we master this amazing way of thinking. 

I encourage you to combate offensive thoughts swiftly & indefinitely. As an unwanted thought slips into your brain, open your mouth & affirm the exactly opposite. Do not give it life by speaking it out loud. It is not worthy to be given such power, & most importantly, it is beneath you. You are more powerful & not equipped to succumb to the unwanted side effects that come along with negative thought processing. Life is not meant to bring you down. Instead, it is supposed to be the best teacher & contribute to a lifetime of experiences. Anything other than that, we are giving it too much credit. Credit it does not deserve & what it has not worked for. You truly are the master of your destiny– how will you let your thinking influence it?

I.N.T.U.I.T.I.O.N

I am a firm believer that we have been put on this earth with the appropriate resources that ensures our survival. I believe that everything that we need to survive our experiences has been placed within us or on this earth to ensure we live our lives to its maximum potential. In being properly equipped, we have been gifted with the “ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.” This gift is our intuition, often referred to as the “women’s intuitions”, our “gut instinct” or our “gift of discernment.” I can not tell you how many times I have been severely disappointed when I have ignored that uneasy feeling in circumstances that I should not have. Therefore, today, I advocate that we take the time to listen to our gut – always; because I am a true example of what happens if we choose to ignore or embrace our ability to tap into it.

The worst & best thing I have ever done was to listen &/or ignore what my intuition was telling me. After many heartbreaks & bad decisions, finally, after 30 years of life; I learned to embrace all of its glorious wonders. It has taught me to be a better decision maker for myself & for my loved ones, to use my discernment when meeting new people or receiving new information & it has increased my creativity, significantly. As I continue to embrace this ability, it comes more naturally & the confidence I have built in my willingness to make difficult decisions has increased. In believing in myself & paying attention to my instincts I have been able to make sound decisions that I have not regretted after making them. I have learned to become more patient with decisions & understand the importance of sitting back, processing the circumstances & returning with a well thought out solution that will work in my favor.

Therefore, I want to encourage you to do the same. Listen to your gut & embrace what it is telling you. If you feel uneasy, if something does not seem right, sit on it, pray about it & act accordingly. We spend so much of our time negating what we already know & forcing what we want to happen by ignoring this small but enormous gift that was afforded to us. Trusting ourselves enough to allow what is natural to us to protect us, is the best thing that we can do for ourselves. The only person that has anything to lose in not trusting ourselves, is ourselves. So, check in with yourself. Stop ignoring yourself under the pretense that you’re “doing too much” or you’re “being extra”; you owe no one else the benefit of the doubt but yourself. You will take better care of you than anyone else can, so believe in YOU when YOU nudges YOU.

How Setting Goals Almost Killed Me

Happy Sunday Conglomerates! Today I would like to introduce you to another Guest Inspiration that has a story to tell, Candice Kelly. Candice is a radical rule-breaker on a mission to change the world through media. As a certified coach and the host of the Mental Cement podcast, she provides a no BS approach to personal development that cuts through the noise. Candice leverages the power of story to create visceral lasting transformation for her clients. Her signature program “How to Start a Badass Podcast” is a fast track to mastering new media and self confidence.   Feel free to reach out to Candice on Facebook @MentalCement.

 If you pick up any book on personal development, self-help or anything that’s trying to help you live a better life, the first thing they say that is you need to set goals. You have to be crystal clear about what you want and the type of life that you want to live, otherwise, you will never get there. I mean goal setting is taught in schools, how to set S.M.A.R.T goals. Often times the first thing we ask successful people is, what goals did you set and how did you reach them? I think that’s a great way to begin your journey. The problem is that man we are often never stop to question the purpose of the goal. 

I am a recovering over-achiever. In school I was the kid who would type 7 pages if the minimum was 5, just so the teacher would notice my hard work. My drug of choice was execution, I loved to get things done. But after getting straight A’s and looking the part of someone who “has it all together” a self-harm cry for help led me to months of therapy for anxiety and depression. I got all the trophies. I won all the medals. I was admired by my peers. Yet on the inside I never felt good enough. I felt like no amount of achievement could make me feel worthy of the praise I received. 

After tons of inner work, I came to understand that I had been placing myself in a lose-lose situation. If I failed to hit the bullseye’s I set for myself, it would confirm that I wasn’t good enough. If I did reach my goal, I would push the benchmark even further and delay my happiness and celebration until I got the new goal. It was an endless cycle. I kept trying to predict what “thing” would make me happy. Losing 10 lbs, making more money, gaining more publicity. But no external reward could fill the internal pain I was causing myself. 

So, I decided to do a little experiment on myself. I decided to stop setting outcome goals altogether. Instead, I would complete a set of tasks every day and force myself to celebrate immediately after completing the task. I would channel how I wanted to feel when doing the task. For example, one task is moving my body in some way every day. After going on a walk or going to the gym I would take a nice bath or allow myself an hour of Netflix. What I found was that I ended up feeling happier, more energetic and more of myself after only a few days. Because I could reach my “goal” every day, it allowed me to bring my joy and celebration into the now instead of waiting until I hit some arbitrary target that society says is what I should aim for.

My challenge to you, dear reader, is to do some reflection and see if you are setting external goals in order to fulfill an internal need. If so, I invite you to consider adding one to three tasks to your daily routine that would move you towards your destination. Reward yourself immediately after completing your task and bring your joy into the present and see how much more you can accomplish without the goal.

…I decided to do a little experiment on myself. I decided to stop setting outcome goals altogether…

Empower Women

Although women are coming forward encouraging & advocating for themselves in ways that have not always been so prevelant before, it has always been important. For a long time, women have been an oppressed population. From employment opportunities, to policy changes put in place to hinder & dictate our actions – the oppressive intent is evident. As a result, we must be up in arms, always. At this point, if you hurt one, limit & restrict one; you have hurt, limit & restrict us all. Because women empowerment is more than empowering & encouraging women. It is about empathy, relation, understanding, encouragement & awareness, etc. Women empowerment is love. However, many times, the things that are occurring to us & around us encompass everything but the ability to empower women.

To get to the point that policy change happens based on the true necessities & demands of women, we can start small so that we can move bigger. We want better treatment but fail to exhibit better treatment amongst ourselves. Therefore, we can empower & encourage all women, whether we know them or not, consistently, with the intent to spread healing amongst other women. We walk by many women on a regular basis; however, we are more inclined to judge her before telling her she is bomb. We are less likely to empathize with a woman who is having a rough day without knowing her story first & we look at women individually instead of as a contribution to what they are to us as a group.

Each woman represents something for us individually & as a whole- the ability to grow, overcome adversity, create & maintain life (whether from their flesh or not), & the ability to survive & thrive. We need to begin to treat each other as valued treasure before we can expect anyone else to see us the same way. We need to stop comparing ourselves to other women to determine the traits we have that makes us a better woman. We need to look for opportunities to heal each other so we can sustain each other. Women fight many battles but it should never be a battle that we are fighting amongst ourselves. Regardless of the story of the person who receives these messages, it is important that we remind them in various & creative ways that we all are loved, capable & not alone.

Managing Stress

Last week I was having weekly supervision with my supervisor. As we were talking about accomplished tasks, follow ups & deadlines; he stopped suddenly & with a straight face, asked me how I was managing my stress. I looked at him & then to the ceiling trying to search for the answer in my head. The realization then dawned on us both, right in that instant- I didn’t. I was not actively managing my stress. The things that I once did to keep me in my Zen have eventually fallen to the wayside due to the high demands of my job. Oddly enough, after coming short with an answer, I became embarrassed. Not because I didn’t have the answer to the question that he was asking me, but because I realized I have been neglecting myself so much while I advocate for all of you to do the exact opposite. His question convicted me & made me realize that in my busy life, I have neglected the sure thing that keeps me moving EVERY DAY – Me.

Listen, I have learned that stress is inevitable. It will always be there; some times more than others. However, it is important that we recognize when our bodies tells us that we are stressed & that we establish sure ways to ensure that we manage it – at all times. It never truly goes away. Even when mentally, stress doesn’t appear evident; our bodies experience different degrees of stress on a daily basis. Therefore, it is important that we proactively address stress in our day-to-day routine & have the answer of how we manage it if asked by someone who cares about us.

Life is too short, we are too valuable & stress is too dangerous to sweep it to the side. As we manage our stress, other facets of our lives will come together. Stress is not something that we are supposed to be content living with. Our mental & physical health is way too significant to fail ourselves in this way. Manage now … be sound & happy later.

From Victim to Victor

We have all had our own fair share of pain. We have also had experiences that were set up to take us out. Although pain from person to person is not comparable; it is extremely important that we recognize when we have given it too much of our energy. We must identify when we have allowed that to force us to have a victim mindset instead of the mindset of a survivor. In a day & age where women are constantly undergoing scrutiny when it comes to our bodies, our rights, our perspectives & our choices; it is imperative that we maintain the will to keep fighting & do not adopt a victim mentality that will use up all our fuel that will propel us to success.

There is perseverance that comes from affliction, victory from suffering & persistence from exertion. But in order to endure, we must have the right mindset to overcome such hardships. If we sit back, idle & unable to move past what hurt us, we will remain there; stuck. That is not the intent for our lives. We were created to live fruitful, victorious & prosperous lives. There are not enough negative experiences or bad encounters that are deserving of taking from us what is rightfully ours. We have to take the flames of our hell & mold our resilience. This is war, love. We need to fight like hades for our victory; for our sanity. It may seem hard, but there is nothing, on this earth that can truly take us out- if we mold our mindset in our favor. If we fail to do so, we will stay chained to our oppression & will fail to see the light at the end of the tunnel– once that happens, we have already lost. But the victory is here. We are no longer victims, we are the victors! Justice will always be victorious.

Lion-heart

Being brave is the ability to endure unpleasant conditions or behavior without succumbing to fear. Unfortunately, with all that is going on around us, it is extremely important that we recognize the times in which we need to stand up & go against the grain; even if it is not always the most popular opinion.  It is no secret that there are many injustices that happen on a regular basis. Thankfully, technology & social media has helped significantly with the exposure of unjust, inequitable & preferential treatment; so much so, that the things that use to be swept under the rug are now the red kool-aid stain on your white rug & extremely hard to ignore. 

When we see these actions, we instantly ban up together, express our distaste for  a few weeks & allow our hashtags to take the social media world by storm. However, human nature does better at talking about the issues when there is a group of people around us with the same mindset. But in the event we are alone & witness the foul treatment of someone else, can we all truly say that we will remain fueled the same way? It is easy say ‘yes’ now, but as life would have it,  under the right circumstances & situations our ‘yes’ can easily turn into a ‘no’. Shock & fear can bring out characteristics in us that are far from what we portray ourselves to be. That is ok, it is actually quite normal. Besides, you are not required to be anything more than human. However, the trick is to do what’s right in non-adverse & adverse situations; regardless of the fear that tells us to remain dormant & to do nothing.

We have to attempt to be brave- always. All situations are not always extreme but they do matter. We should never be dissuaded from standing up, with & next to what we believe in. Our ability to define ourselves & our integrity is rooted in that. Therefore, be brave when pursuing all your goals, be brave for your loved ones & strangers when they can not be. Be brave enough to speak out against injustices, be brave enough to love even when you are hurt. Be brave in the face of adversity. Be brave enough to implement change for the generations after you & be brave enough to make those before you proud. Be brave & break generational curses. Be brave enough to fight the fight others are too tired to fight. Shed light on what is hidden in the dark & be brave enough to admit vulnerability. Be brave enough to pray & to cry. Be brave to laugh when it is hard. Be brave to combat mental illness & brave enough to seek help when you need it. Be creative in your bravery & tie your bravery to your integrity.

With audaciousness there is nothing you cannot do. There is no giant you cannot slay. 


I can never forget-
Happy Mother’s Day

Your Money, Your Power

As an adult, I reflect often on the topics we discussed in school. I realize that schools, in some way, do not really equip us for real life. You know, with the stuff that really matters, like- how to invest, the importance of having good credit, the benefits of saving early & budgeting accordingly. It is almost like we weren’t geared to fully live our best lives without debt & excess. We were told to desire to be rich but were not provided the proper resources to teach us how to be. It was ingrained in us that the sure way to live comfortably is to finish school, get a job with a high salary, & to save our money in a standard savings account. We were not told the other options to help us “get rich” or to be financially independent. In fact, the advice given to us initially, in my opinion, was pretty bad advice. College is a large reason why many of us are in debt, high paying jobs are not easily accessible & a standard savings account gives you zilch for interest as your money sits there & does nothing but be the same amount you deposited. That advice made us ill-equipped to thrive comfortably without understanding the struggle first.

Now, we have to force ourselves to figure it out on our own. We have to force ourselves to research the options & not fall into the trap of incurring tons of debt that is impossible to pay off. The days of living above our means & incurring debt we cannot pay is long behind us. Living paycheck to paycheck was not God’s intent when he placed us on this Earth to thrive. Therefore, we must prepare to change our mindset & keep those days behind us. The days of living above our means in order to keep is now over. We must begin to welcome a life that prohibits struggling in retirement & working ourselves to death without being able to experience our loved ones. They deserve to have us there while having access to our legacy after we are gone. We must learn to work this financial system to our advantage so we never have to remember what it is to struggle again. Because the truth is, we all want nice things, but the picture is bigger than that.

We need to obtain & utilize resources that allow us to familiarize ourselves with what is available to us. Learn the importance of investing, monitoring, book keeping, accounting & financial advising. Although they seem out of reach, they are services we can utilize now for our benefit. We cannot continue to have a billionaire mindset with an impoverished lifestyle because at some point the well of desire will run dry & we will begin to make irrational & unhealthy financial choices that we cannot afford to. Please understand that the financial choices you make now do not only effect you, they effect the generations after you. Living a life plagued with debt is a generational curse that we do not need to succumb to. We can break the chain of discomfort & teach our children the same thing. No one wants to end their life paying back debt that could have been avoided. Furthermore, no one wants to leave the burden of suffering on their families so we need to think smart- NOW.

Start doing the research. Start paying off your debt now so you do not have to worry about it later. Start budgeting. Monitor your trends in spending & sacrifice what you need to cut back on. Start investing your money & teaching your children the value of a dollar, teach them the pros & cons to credit scores & explain how interest rates work & do not work in their favor. Teach them to live with as little debt as possible so that after you are gone you can be sure that if you taught them anything, you taught them money. Our lives & their lives are too valuable to miss this knowledge like we did. Share it abundantly. The generation needs it.



Tips: Dave Ramsey’s literature on the Debt Snowball is very helpful. That information you receive coupled with his EveryDollar app can get you well on your way to living debt free & building up your savings.
Also, the most recent episode of the Jesus & Jollof podcast, “Scared Money, Don’t Make Money” is very informative without feeling overwhelming. It defines much of the terminology that was mentioned above & will stimulate you to think of your money differently.

After all, your money is your power.

Bet on Yourself

Every week, I discuss the importance of believing in yourself, advocating for yourself & being inspired enough to make a difference. However, this stuff will be quite difficult to do if you are unable to bet & take risks on yourself. We are in an age where many of us aspire in different ways to provide for ourselves & our loved ones by our own means. The most interesting part about this is that many of us have already evaluated the ways in which we can do so but we lack the confidence to just do it.

Today I tell you to be proud. I encourage you to have the confidence you need to take the big step & pursue the things you have always wanted to do. People think that in order to chase after dreams, to pursue new aspirations or to tread new waters they have to sacrifice everything. That cannot be further than the truth. We are muli-faceted creatures capable of living, doing & focusing on multiple things to fulfill our heart’s desire. Daily, we multitask & work hard fullfilling the dreams & visions of someone else. Therefore, you owe it to yourself to fit your desires in your hectic schedule; by your own means, at your own time. I started Nickkie&Co. knowing that one day it will have a larger mission than empowering people through an empowerment blog. However, this is the foundation & I am totally content with where it is right now. I am on my own timeline & what will come will come. I simply had one job & that was to take the risk. Now that the risk was taken, the rest will surely follow.

Today, I ask you to reflect a little bit. Has there been anything you always wanted to do? Something that can transform your life in a way that will give you a joy you have never felt before? If you woke up tomorrow & had the opportunity to invest in ONE thing that makes you an even better you, without thinking of finances, or comments from nay-sayers, what would you do?

Now I ask you-

What is stopping you now?

Today will be the last day you compromise on you.