Make Your Own Narrative.

Happy Sunday, ladies. I am going to write something below & when you read it, take it in, meditate on it & make some adjustments to how you talk to yourself & how you allow other people to talk to you.

The negative narrative you have been telling yourself about yourself is often the narrative someone else told you about you.

Don’t believe it. It is not true.

As someone who had to fight against the narrative people have applied to me; I tell you first hand that nothing is true that you do not want to be true. I have come from being told that I will be at the bottom of the social hierarchy, that I will be a teen mom (even though I was a virgin) & that I will be in jail simply because I had a smart mouth. Instead of taking the time to understand my actions or cultivate characteristics that could have a positive impact; they somehow decided that the best way to motivate me was to prophesies their false narratives over my life. Although, none of what they said has come true; the negative narratives never truly stop coming. As I got older and began managing romantic relationships & more adult-centered friendships; they kept coming. Although the context of the narrative was different; other people’s narrative about my life never stopped coming.

People’s emotions are fickle & they will use those emotions to tell you about you. What they say about you says more about them than it could ever say about you. They are projecting their own insecurities, their own discomfort & their own discontentment on you. That has nothing to do with you. You are not required to be a character in the story they are narrating.

You are the ultimate narrator of your life.

If you want to be a good person, be a good person. If you want to define what success looks like in your life, define it. If you want to make an impact, then make it. Just because these narratives start being told to you young; it does not mean that you have to fall into that storyline. You can be whatever YOU want to be. The possibilities are infinite. They are yours to pursue & make of it what YOU wish.

Remember, God will prepare a feast for you in the presence of your enemies. All those people that narrated negatively over your life, that defined you before you could & who beat you down to motivate you will watch as you enjoy the fruits of what YOU made of your life.

Begin writing your story the way you want it written & enjoy the journey. It is yours. Start narrating it.

Let’s Talk About Trauma.

Good morning! Happy Sunday!

Trauma. What is it?

In sum, it is a response to a distressing event we experience. It has an effect on our ability to navigate through situations & has an impact on how we may cope or overcome unfavorable circumstances. Trauma, unfortunately, is inevitable. Despite how cautious we may be, simply navigating through life & interacting with others; makes us susceptible to experiencing trauma in some way, shape or form. Many times, we do not realize that our survival or recovery from certain life experiences has left behind remnants that will require us to work hard to get past it.

Getting older has given me a new perspective on this; as it should. However, it has also allowed me to not only recognize my own trauma but the trauma enabling or effecting other people. For instance, anyone that knows me personally, knows my mom was suuuppper strict. Although, I would differ in the approach, I can look back now & see that a lot of the hold & reluctance my mother had on my life had a lot to do with what she did for a living (not to mention her own individual life experiences that may have contributed). My mother is a CPS worker. She has seen too much of what happens when children have been left unattended, with “friends”, with “family members”, etc. So, if to her, I am her prized possession, how can she not allow the trauma she experienced on a daily basis impact the reigns she had on me & my life? Helping other people navigate through their own traumatic experiences infiltrated into becoming hers; which can, if I am not careful become my children’s.

Because the truth is, on a consistent basis, we see & survive many things. How we choose to cope with that, if we are aware of it, is entirely up to us. But I can say this for sure- trauma left untouched, not dealt with & suppressed will effect you in every aspect of your life. It will keep you from arriving to who & what you are destined to be. Instead, you will be running the same never-ending race of unfillment, dissatisfaction, discouragement & regret despite your life’s accomplishments & victories.

I am unsure if the effects of trauma truly ever go away. But I do know that God never intended us to suffer & that he will trade our ashes for his beauty to make our own. I also know that wounds, with time & dealt with properly, do heal. It may take some time, but they do. Marinate on what I am about to tell you. Your trauma has a purpose. Once it is over & you have been able to emerge from the negativity of it; use it to fuel your purpose. See, without trauma, I believe that it will be extremely difficult to figure out how to pour into ourselves & others. You see, it is our experiences that allow us to do so. The good ones, the bad ones & the ones that cause indifference.

If I remained silent every time someone told me to shut up, Nickkie & Co. would not exist. If I did not attempt to advocate for myself when I felt an injustice, I would not be here. I would not be the self-reflective, advocating woman I am today in my career, my personal life & in my purpose (Nickkie&Co). If I allowed my own trauma to win, if I stayed quiet & always did what I was told; or “suppressed” my emotions like they told me to; my testimony would not exist. Whatever words I have written or said that helped someone reflect or shape themselves; would not have reached them. I truly believe, it was my trauma, my experiences, that allowed me the wisdom, courage & ability to come forth & share it.

Though it does not define us, our trauma is part of our testimony. It will serve as the beacon of light not only for ourselves but for someone else too. Many times our fight creates the pathway for someone else to walk on & get to meet us where we are. To help them arrive too.

Do not let your trauma keep that.