To INSPIRE is to fill someone with the urge or ability to do or feel something.
Every morning I wake up with the deliberate intent to inspire someone. I understand that every encounter I may have with someone (stranger, friend or foe) is an opportunity for me to do so. I recognize that many of us are walking around aimlessly, uninspired & without purpose. So the greatest blessing I feel I can offer anyone is to inspire them. Because in inspiring them, they come into realization of their abilities & the potential to pursue all the dreams they never imagined they could make a reality.
As women going places, it is imperative that we keep this same mindset, at all times. Unfortunately, with all that is going on, people feel incapable to make their gifts & talents work for them. They need to be inspired, to have something to strive for, something to give them purpose. Life is too beautiful to just be in it living aimlessly. We need to make it work for us. We need to inspire & be inspired. Once we realize the way this can impact the lives of others we MUST share it with the world.
So wake up. Take on the task to inspire the world.
Emotionally, this week has been extremely trying for me. It was not until a few days ago that I realized that I have been walking around suppressing frustrations & functioning in a whirlwind of disorganization– for months. I did not realize that I was barely functioning until a snowball of unideal situations presented themselves in front of me & I lost control. I could barely grasp or articulate what it was I was feeling & I struggled to understand what was happening. The only way I could express myself was in tears. Instead of taking time to address what I was feeling initially, I continued to push what I was feeling aside under the pretense that it will pass- eventually.
Despite how true that may have been, things do not usually pass unless you deal with them. This time, I was forced to. So, although there is character built through adverse situations & functioning outside of our comfort zone; it is extremely important not to get so caught up in what is happening around us that we fail to take a moment to assess & address what is going on within us. Self care, as cliche as it has become, is taking the time to check in with ourselves & acknowledge when we are are not doing ok. It is easy to forget what we are feeling while neglecting that we need a day or two to disconnect & recharge. I was forced to come to that realization this weekend & the overflow of emotion was severely overwhelming & crippling. But it forced me to do what I was avoiding – accept, reset & recharge.
See, life has a way to force us to deal with things even when we do not want to. So I encourage staying in tune with what our body is telling us. If we need more rest, we take it. If we need to cry, we cry. If we need a break, we take all the time we need. We were not created to be on GO, continuously. Empty vessels are just that… empty vessels. We can not pour into others when our own well has run dry. We cannot be who we need to be to our loved ones if we do not take care of ourselves first. So, if you need a moment to recharge, take it. You work too hard to just be moving through life barely functioning. You do not have to be perfect always but YOU do have to be YOU. So the best thing you can do for you is to take care of YOU.
At 29, my peers (older & younger) & I have spent most of our lives with the generations before us chastising the way they believe we would make ends meet. For whatever reason, since our way of living & surviving does not look like theirs, they are fearful of what will come of us & the generations after us. This is likely due to our unconventional way of defining success, way of obtaining income & our reliability on technology. Although I understand the importance of doing things with our hands & can appreciate someone who can fix a car or do home repairs; we, nonetheless, have done amazing things with what we have in front of us. Our generation has learned to conform with the times & contribute to the world by maximizing resources that others regard as irrelevant.
As time progresses generations differ significantly. Some changes may not be so noticeable, while others are as clear as a firework show in July. Our parent’s generation had different aspirations & utilized different skills. Going to college/mastering a trade, securing a well paying job, & having a balanced family is how they quantified success. Our generation comes on the scene & we want that … + we want more. Not to say to say that was not the same for our grandparents & parents, but we came for it all & we came for it our way. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is something to be admired.
I have watched our generation go to college, incur thousands of dollars in student loan debt & still find the means to use our God given talents to bring in extra income. Many of us have mastered entrepreneurship just from working social media to our advantage. Life coaching, blogging, photography, real estate, etc. have been embraced with confidence because we have been driven to make the times work for us. Many of us would much rather go through the struggle of working for ourselves then sticking to something we know does not suit us. We have come to learn & understand that there is always an option. What use to be the end-all-be-all for our parents just may not mean the same for us. There are always options. We have learned to be resilient & tenacious even in the midst of our chaos. We know enough to understand that what worked before may not work now & we are ok with that. We are ok with figuring it out, we are ok with doing it our way.
So as you navigate through life, I encourage you to keep the same momentum. Embrace the rebellious achiever in you & learn from the examples who strive for the same around you. Use the stories & experiences of your sisters/brothers & know that you are destined for greatness; even if it does not look like it right now. There is greatness lined in tenacity, stubbornness & resilience. When those characteristics are cultivated & coupled with the desire to survive exceedingly above all expectations the WIN IS YOURS, always.
In this empowerment age we have progressively gotten better at empowering others by sharing our testimonies, encouraging them to push forward & supporting their endeavors of success. However, we got so good at doing this for people (yay!) that we spend a lot of time waiting for people to do the same for us. But when they fail to do so, we end up feeling immensely disappointed & unsupported. Therefore, I am reminding you that it is totally ok to toot your own horn. Doing so does not diminish your humility instead, it empowers us to keep going even if no one acknowledges us.
The older I get, the more I realize that validation from anyone, regardless of how great it may make me feel, should not be needed. Sometimes we have to just keep sight of our vision & push forward. If I have learned one thing, people do not always agree or see the vision until it is put into fruition & reaps results. People are not known to walk by faith & to teach them can be harder than you intend it to. However, it is not your obligation to show them how. You simply owe it to yourself to keep living & keep striving. The people meant to support you will show up. Those who fail to, well… *shrug*
Imagine the degree of unhealthy relationships (sexual, professional, emotional) that could be dismissed if we stopped putting so much weight on what people say. I was a rebellious teenager. I often heard from other people the failures that my life would take— well, two masters degrees & a career later all that shenanigans does not matter. I thank the lord that I did not need anyone’s validation to define my abilities. Though I still struggle doing so, I have accepted that I can relish in my accomplishments before they happen, celebrate once they become a reality & share my testimony in a positive way. It is so hard to talk about ourselves in a positive light because we have been conditioned to do otherwise, however, it is our right to empower ourselves. Learn to accept & appreciate the encouragement from others when you receive it but understand that if it is not received, it is just apart of the process. The power is in what you believe.
After all, they did say, “empowered people, empower people“. They just never said we could not empower ourselves.
We are here again, together, for another week. I can not express how much I appreciate your willingness to stay with me on our self-love pursuit. Today, I want to discuss the importance of loving & being a blessing to someone else.
Since I was young, I have always wanted to contribute to helping & making a difference in the lives of others. I thought I could save the world by helping everyone & making the people on this earth happy & healthy. As I got older & real life situations started to take place in front of me; I realized that obtaining such goals, alone, was more difficult than I ever thought it could be. Nonetheless, I did not negate that every little contribution counted significantly. That is why I started the Nickkie&CO. platform. I wanted women, as the significant figures we are, to come together, educate & speak life into one another so that we can each be empowered & inspired to inspire one another.
As time progressed, I began to see the influence the weekly memoirs have had on people, which convinced me that I could do more with this platform. Not only did I want to whisper, shout & yell empowerment for those who need it; I wanted to follow through with action. As a result, I now proudly present myself as a philanthropist who acknowledges a need & contributes to a solution. I do this because I find significant importance in being a blessing to someone else other than myself. I realize that I can not be so willing to accept favor from those around me without paying it forward in some way. I need to try to make a difference in the lives of others the way favor & blessings have made a difference in mine.
So often we leave our arms wide open to accept the blessings that rain down on us but often we forget to share those blessings with other who may need it; especially if we do not know them. In this life it is apparent that I can not be a “gimme-gimme” type of person; I am not built that way, though sadly some people are. But if we lived in a world where people gave freely, in different aspects of our being, it is my belief that it will be small strides in the right direction. In a world that constantly reminds us that it is cruel & selfish place to be, it is easy to forget that there are kind people that still grace this earth. I was reminded of this yesterday.
Up until the end of today, I am hosting a book bag collection for the children of domestic violence survivors, who are in safe haven shelters, for the upcoming school year. Personally, I made a Nickkie&CO. goal of ten book bags but in such a short notice & with the remainder of the day left, that goal has been surpassed. Together we collected twenty-seven (& counting) book bags. All, will be one less thing these parents need to worry about for their children. I am moved by the people who came together to contribute & I can not express how truly amazing it feels. What seems like a small sacrifice to us can surely be a BIG blessing to someone else. I am so happy to know that good people saw the vision & contributed to the cause.
Granted, all blessings do not require price tags because you can be a blessing to someone else without having to spend a dime. Love is a universal language & it is expressed in so many ways. Kind gestures, sweet hellos, small reminders, smiles, prayers or even an encouraging word or two all allow you to be a blessing to others. Blessings also do not have expiration dates so you can give it forward at any time. Though you may be in a place where it seems impossible – finances are tight & emotions are off- making a daily practice to add a little sunshine in someone’s life can significantly have an impact on the way you feel through out the day; in some odd way, being a blessing to someone else, will bless you, threefold. Just as our friend, Ms. Karma comes around for the negative, she is very consistent with the positive. So be someone who exemplifies what the contributors exemplified to me; that good people, in one way it another, still walk this Earth & care to make a difference.
Until next time.
**As of 8/28/2018, Conglomerates raised 42 filled bookbags for the families in DV shelters. Thank you so much to everyone who contributed.**
Good morning Conglomerates!! This morning, this memoir is going to be slightly different from any other memoir I have written. Last Sunday, Nickkie&CO. had its first intimate Launch Soiree. I spent months planning this event & I cannot think of a better way it could have been executed. Many successful women came together to celebrate the current successes & the future vision I have for this brand. In that, I can not express to you how beautiful it turned out to be! Approximately, 40 different women from all walks of life with different backgrounds, were able to sit in one room, enjoy each other’s company, network & have a good time without any drama. It was amazing. People contributed in many ways to ensure that the event was a success just because they believed in me. Whether they provided advice, contributed by sharing their craft, donated to the cause or showed up as a guest; the love was surely felt & encouragement was at an all time high.
When conglomerates arrived, I asked them all to sign little wooden hearts painted red, pink & white. They were to place their signed heart in a glass frame so that I can commemorate the day. After approximately an hour of mingling & eating treats fit for royalty, Conglomerates played a few icebreaker games. One, Conglomerate Bingo, was a competitive game that required women to walk around & get to know each other. The bingo squares were listed with different quality traits that in one way or another described all the women in the room. When a woman in the room qualified for one of the squares in bingo, they would sign the square & the search continued. The first two women to shout BINGO won cosmetic jewelry sponsored by Urban Kleopatra. Afterwards, the women were asked to speak amongst themselves & present the name, occupation, unique fact & the passion of the woman to the left of them to the rest of the room. Women were open & willing to share intimately & it was breath-taking. It was evident that I was surrounded by a group of god-fearing women who came together & were not ashamed to express that.
The MC that hosted the event was much like the women that gathered in the room that day. She presented myself & the brand with so much passion that it was evident that she was supportive even before Nickkie&CO. was formulated on paper. She presented me as the young lady I once was who transformed to the woman who sat before them. A woman who thankfully has found her purpose. I formally thanked everyone for coming, taking a risk on me & for believing in my dreams. It was unscripted & raw. As I write this, I pray that the women could feel how moved I was by their presence & how determined I am to make them & other women around the world feel empowered & capable. It was an unspoken agreement amongst us all; we live our lives striving to win. I recognized Guest Inspirations for their courage in using the Nickkie&CO. platform to tell their story by giving them a special Nickkie&CO. mug with logo & catch phrase along with a copy of their written memoir. Shortly after a different type of excitement filled the room, as the women waited to see if they would win the prizes prepared for them. A door prize of positivity pens was given, raffles were presented that consisted of more Urban Kleopatra jewelry & a prize of (3) meal preps created by Healthy Bites by Julie found their way into the hands of conglomerates. Throughout the event, women filled out little gold envelopes & placed them in a decorative bird-cage to raise money for “Women’s Aware” Domestic Violence Shelter. Together, we raised $300 for the women & families in that shelter.
In the end, it all wrapped up beautifully– A toast for the milestones that have been accomplished & for the milestones to be surpassed. The brand logo was revealed & the grand finale; a butterfly release, that was symbolic of the evolution of the women in the room, as well as the brand. All Conglomerates went home with a sheer self-love parting bag that contained my business card, Nickkie&CO. self love affirmation card, Essential Oil, Essential Oil information sheet, Lipstick & Eyeliner sponsored by Jay Manual Cosmetics & a travel size hand sanitizer. It was really a beautiful event. The pictures & the description fail to give it justice. The amount of encouraging words I have received afterwards has been uplifting. Women left the event feeling empowered, renewed & ready for another one next year; which I will surely deliver.
But in all this, the most beautiful thing about the event has nothing to do with the decorations or the celebration of Nickkie&CO. What made the event so beautiful was that despite what people say about us, women can join together in a room, get along well enough to share our stories, network & encourage one another. I always say, especially under the right circumstances, women can do amazing things. Women do not always need to be in the limelight to celebrate another woman & most importantly women can sit at a leveled table knowing that they all can contribute something for the “win”. Women are not the mischievous back-stabbers reality tv makes us out to be or the hormonal psychopaths that often comes up in jokes. Women are sensible & striving to better themselves every day. That was evident on Sunday. If there was a takeaway from this event, I want women to feel comfortable stepping out of the box. I want them to understand that everyone may not always see their dreams, but people who believe in them will surely support. Passion is the determinant to how people feel about them & what they represent. I can almost guarantee that, if someone did not see the vision, they surely saw it Sunday. It is evident in the way people have reached out to contribute to other Nickkie&CO. missions. It only takes a little effort to empower someone & it goes a long way. I truly believe god was in that room that day & I saw him in all the faces of the women who sat down before me. So, thank you to everyone that took the time out of their busy schedules to spend with me. I appreciate it. Even if you could not make it, I still appreciate any effort you made in the background. There will always be next year.
Until next time Conglomerates.
Hello Darling Greeting
Nickkie&COs first memoir
Phenomenal Woman- Maya Angelou
Nickkie&CO Networking Table
Conglomerate Seating Tables
Nickkie&CO dessert table
Urban Kleopatra Accessories & Meal Prep
Conglomerate, Odette with Nickkie&CO border
Oh, Nickkie&CO., all the places you would go
Conglomerates, Odette, Eugenia, Jessicalee, Paris
Nickkie & Conglomerate Jessicalee share a laugh
Nickkie & Conglomerate, Eugenia
Conglomerates Angelie & July
Conglomerates July & Kathy
Nickkie with Conglomerates
Women Aware Domestic Violence Shelter Donations
Conglomerates, Ayana, Aspen, Vinnika, Amber
MC/Conglomerate Janet with Logo
Conglomerate Taisha wins Bingo
Nickkie & Dad
Dry Bar & Cider
Nickkie & Male Conglomerate, Shawny
Nickkie&CO official Logo
Nickkie Addresses Conglomerates
Nickkie with Conglomerate, Taneesha
Nickkie Meets New Conglomerate for the first time
Caramel Covered Grapes
Nickkie with Conglomerate, Mom
Conglomerate have some fun with the Nickkie&CO photo board
Welcome to another self-love Sunday, Conglomerate. I appreciate you joining me another week to kick off your week on a positive note. This week I want to address a topic I am certain has effected more than a handful of us. Most of my life, specifically during my adolescence, I had to deal with people dictating the outcome of what my life was going to be. Whether I disagreed with a directive or expressed myself in a way they did not agree with; they would often tell me I would not amount to anything. I was often reminded that instead of making a difference in the world I would be a pregnant teenager (as if that is a death sentence) or end up in jail. Granted, I was not always the most friendly but I was far from malicious. I would be the first to admit that I was DEFIANT & I gave the same respect that I felt was given to me. If I felt disrespected or threatened, I would talk back, defend myself, & seek to humiliate who I believed to be my aggressor. As adolescent teenagers, for some of us, behavior like I had is all apart of the process of growing up & falling into your role in life. The growth process takes on many facets even if it is not the most glamorous. So for the life of me, I can not figure out how my adolescent behavior warranted such definite assumptions of who I was destined to be; a girl whose life will be short-lived because she would “shamefully” end up pregnant or in jail.
Now that I am an adult who has turned out to be everything they never believed I would be; I recognize that people tag negative expectations on the lives of others based on their own standards of living. In my evolution, I have learned that people prefer to influence through negative affirmations instead of the opposite. They would rather remind you of all the things you have done wrong instead of pointing out the things you have done right. They rather point out characteristics they find less appealing instead of pointing out the beauty in them & they prefer to attack your self-esteem by pointing out your flaws instead of teaching you how to use them in your favor. So today, I want to express the importance of speaking power into people, especially our young people. Collectively, we need to help others realize their worth by speaking positive affirmations over their lives; despite what physical & mental state they are in. People are not always resilient to negativity & if exposed to it enough, they can easily believe it. I reflect often on the things that were said to me & I cringe at the possible effects people’s negative statements could have had on me. I am grateful today that I did not believe what they believed I would be.
Let us not be like those people; the same people who hate something so much in themselves that they would rather impose it on someone else instead of uplift them. As we get older, time changes & our roles in life shift, let us not forget that life is a process of growth. Though we should encourage maximizing one’s potential, we should never encourage someone to reach & settle at their highest potential as it enforces limitations on them that require them to stop evolving, learning & being. That being said, let us not dictate someone’s potential because that gives the message that someone can never be more than what we said they can be. Let us speak light where there is darkness & life where there is none. Let us not contribute to breaking down someone else’s character & forgetting to look at our own flaws. In the same way we look in the mirror & speak life changing affirmations on our lives, we must do the same for others. Never be a part of the reason that someone believed they were not good enough. Someone will always remember you for being the one person who believed in them in contrast to the many that did not. Kind gestures & words reap so many more benefits to the world than those that hurt. Make the difference. Be kind.
Kindness is free, sprinkle that sh*t everywhere.
Ephesians 4:29- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (NIV).
As women who maintain & juggle different relationships throughout our lives, our natural instinct is to nurture & invest in the relationships we build with others. To be nurturing is one of the many things that makes us so special. This ability allows us to be amazing mothers, friends & spouses. This quality in us ensures that the people we care for are taken care of. Often, what we take for granted is, with the ability to be nurturing to others comes great sacrifice; even if initially we view our sacrifice as an investment. Our natural instinct is to pour whole heartedly into our relationships because we water & feed what we want to grow. But unfortunately, pouring too much, too often, too soon can result in unreciprocated action & a drain in emotions.
There is so much pressure to prove ourselves worthy in our romantic relationships that we try carrying the weight of two worlds on our shoulders. Aside from just being a good woman who provides advice, motivation & support, we move in ways, whether intentional or not, that ensures we are unforgettable, reliable, consistent & better than the last. Eventually, in doing this, we spread ourselves too thin without the slightest idea that the person is worth it. We get tired when 6 months has passed & we have no more to give because in our gestures of affection we have created leeches. Today, I write this knowing that I AM GUILTY of this. I know many others much like myself who invest entirely too much, too quickly. We give people all the benefits of having a spouse, many times without even the slightest effort or promise of a long-term commitment. At this point in my life, I have come to the realization that holding back a little is a sure way to still put myself & my needs first. I can still be transparent while establishing clear boundaries in regards to what a person should or should not receive from me. From experience, I have learned that everyone is not worth the sacrifice & all relationships do not warrant the same level of commitment whether it is romantic or not. I have played roles of “step-mommy”, bail bondsman & Uber driver far too many times to count without the slightest “thank you”. Roles I have taken on became expected of me, so “thank you” & “I appreciate you” became obsolete. So instead of “courting” me, I courted them. That is a problem.
Society has stigmatized the foundation of solid two-way relationships so much that unfortunately, we provide benefits in a shorter amount of time to love interest than we do with friendships that have been established years before. Granted, the elements of the relationship may differ a bit but in safeguarding ourselves we make sure our friends are trustworthy before we begin to disclose or establish a true bond. We need to use that same momentum with those we are interested in romantically. There needs to be a paced, two-way street where both parties in the relationship give & receive. The dating process is just what it is; dating. Dating does not obligate us to do anything more than have a good time & enjoying each other’s company. The whole, “proving ourselves worthy far too early in advance”, mentality is over today. Building foundational relationships happen two-ways, always. What we teach people early on becomes the standard for the rest of our relationships. Mastering the ability to give in moderation & as warranted allows us to further recognize our self-worth & gives us less pieces of ourselves to pick up, if by chance things do not work out. It is an easy to fix to a constant behavior & one of the biggest gestures of self care that we could ever give ourselves. After all, loving ourselves first should always be first.
Until next time conglomerates, keep living your best life, the best way you know how.
For years many of us have gotten it mixed up. We have spent our whole lives going to school to pursue careers we were told would provide us happiness & financial comfort. We have been taught that financial comfort opens the door to happiness on our lives. We have been brainwashed to believe that our passion & purpose are correlated with the 9-5 we aquire after we go to college. Though I am well-educated & am a fan of education, some educational structures have placed limitations on our minds & what we are capable of. In many educational settings, we are taught to believe in the dreams of someone else so that we acquire jobs that entail contributing to those dreams; dreams that are not our own. I am not opposed to contributing to the dreams of someone else, but I am opposed to not pursuing our own dreams & our own purpose out of fear, discomfort or indolence. However one chooses to live their life is completely their prerogative but life is too short. Life is so much more than waking up, working, sleeping & dying. Life is a realm full of experiences that contribute to who we are, how we live & what we feel (passion). It is our passions that will propel us directly into our purpose; whatever that may be. Just know that we were not placed on this earth to live a mediocre life that warrants us the same boring routine with limitations on our full potential.
It is important that in life’s journey we find the fuel that pushes us to reach our highest potential. It is easy to sit back & take the easy route but it will not be gratifying. There is a difference between doing what we have to do & doing what we are called to do. We need to pay attention to the “nudge” that keeps telling us we are not doing enough; we have to do more. Finding out what in this life speaks to us will have us reaching the peaks of mountain tops we never imagined we would see. We do not have to be famous or rich to be fulfilled, we just have to believe in ourselves, take risks on ourselves & take action. It has been said, that those who find their passion & actively engage in them are happier than those who do not. We deserve this happiness & we have to actively pursue it. Today we have to vow to invest in our own dreams so that we never have to wonder “what if”. Dreams are real but they only stop being dreams when we make them a reality. It is about that time. The risks can be made in baby steps but they need to be made. The way technology has evolved, foundations have been planted that allow us to take small steps toward our dreams while we tend to what we need to do. At this point, social media & word of mouth can open a realm of opportunities. Whether it is opening our own businesses or providing us the resources to pursue new endeavors; it is all obtainable. Things that were once out of reach have now been placed right in front of us so there is no reason to remain stagnant.
Whatever your dreams are invest in them. Despite how small it is or unsure you are, take a risk & try it. Had I allowed my own self-doubt to get in the way of pursuing my desire to empower, Nickkie&CO. would be nonexistent today. Though I have a long way to go, all it took was a little faith & one step in the direction of my dreams. Slowly it is all coming together. I want the same for you. I am slowly pursuing my dream while dealing with what I need to do. So it is possible. Regardless of what awaits you remember, the rollercoaster is worth it & when it is your time to go (a long time from now) you will be able to leave the imprint for future generations after you– that despite what anyone conditioned you to believe, you chose to believe in yourself; first.
Good morning conglomerates! Happy Sunday! Today I want to touch base on a topic I have been wanting to discuss for a few months now but I was unsure how to approach the topic. Today, I decided the message has to get to someone & awareness needs to be spread. A few years ago, beloved actor/comedian Robin Williams committed suicide. On June 5, 2018, fashion designer Kate Spade did so as well. A few days later, a 61 year old celebrity ended his life prematurely. Although not new, the revelation that celebrities are commiting suicide has taken social media by storm. Suicide is not a new pandemic but in a society like the one we live in, it is treated like a taboo. Suicide is a topic that is not discussed or remembered unless it is committed by a figure in the public eye.
Today, I want to remind you that suicide is VERY real. It is not a situation that only occurs to people we do not know or on television. Sadly, suicide can hit really close to home; even if we do not know it. The thought to commit suicide plagues the lives of people often. A few months ago, I wrote a memoir reminding you all to Nurture Your Mental Health. I expressed the importance of not being ashamed to speak up when you are not feeling like yourself or if assistance is needed. I encouraged you to ignore the judgemental statements of those who contribute to the ignorance of society. I asked that you mindfully & gently put the care of yourself & your loved ones first. I reminded you not to be ashamed of your mental health status & to remember that despite how you feel or your diagnosis that you are “normal“. Sadly, people’s mental state has led them to pursue a definite & irreversible fate, if accomplished. It is heart wrenching that the only way people feel they can pursue peace is by making such a final decision that does not allow them to keep living.
To give you an idea:
Nationally, 44,193 reported suicides
33,984 of all male deaths were by suicide
10,199 all female deaths were by suicide
A person has committed suicide every 11.9 minutes
For every one suicide, there have been 25 attempted suicides
Though men are 3.5 more likely to successfully commit suicide than women, women attempt 3 times more than their male counterparts
So to fullfill our moto & live our best lives we have to understand that living our best lives does not only apply to our own personal lives but to the lives of our loved ones. Today, I ask that a group effort is made to actively check in on one another. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own lives that we forget that people are fighting internal battles that they may not express to us. What we may see as outlashing or withdraw may actually be a cry for assistance. Often, those who are suicidal feel they are a burden in the lives of others & fail to reach out on their own. Therefore, we can save them, what seems to us as a a small step, & reach out to them instead. Many times we allow our pride to get in the way. We write a person off as “attention seeking” or selfish when we do not hear from them. We never stop to think that maybe their struggle has nothing to do with us but everything to do with their inability to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Though we have not all had suicidal ideation; we have all had periods when we have felt alone, unloved & unwanted. So gently checking on them can save us alot of heartache in the future & get them the help that they need in the long run.
Though the signs may not always be evident. Certain indicators can alert us that an individual is in acute danger & may urgently need help.
Talks about wanting to die or kill themselves
Expresses feelings of hopelessness or having no purpose
Expresses feeling trapped or being unbearable pain
Concerned they are a burden to others
Increase in substance use (alcohol & drugs)
Anxious, agitated or reckless behavior
Little or too much sleep
Withdrawing & feeling isolated
Exhibiting rage or expresses a need to seek revenge
Displaying extreme mood swings.
With that being said, make a conscious decision to “drop a line” to someone you have not heard from in a while or you feel may be acting differently. Though their behavior may effect you negatively or you simply may be overwhelmed with your own life; some people have a harder time doing stepping away from their misery. Although they may not thank you now, I have no doubt that they will thank you later. You never know how your small gestures can help someone finally see the light they are so desperate to see. Calling in & acknowledging we are thinking of them can be the first step to the intervention they desperately need. For this purpose, I will ensure to include resources at the bottom of this memoir if you feel they can help save someone’s life.
Now, if you are the person who I am referring to in this memoir & you feel that there is no way out of your predicament; I want to assure you that you can get through it. Though you may not feel like it, the world will be a very different place if you were not here living in it. Your life is valuable. You are not a burden & there are people on this Earth that love you & will miss you desperately if you were gone. Your story & your life matters. Despite feeling how you feel, you are worthy of happiness. Unfortunately, joy & pain are realities of life so please try to understand that your pain & sadness will come to an end. Even if it feels like it, it will not last forever. You are a SURVIVOR & capable of so much more than you think. Seek help. There are people who are trained to care for you & provide treatment that is made specifically for you. Please do not give up. Do not be ashamed. You deserve everything you want for yourself & more. YOU ARE WORTH IT! Please refer to the resources I have included below. There is someone that will be more than willing to help you. To remind you that your life is worth living, I have included the story of a suicide survivor who describes feeling much like you do at the lowest point of his life. Use it to remind yourself that you are not alone.
Please be advised, if assistance is needed you can receive initial assistance from your primary care provider. If there is an urgent situation, calling 9-1-1 can assist you with getting what you need immediately. Also, other resources to assist are listed below. Please feel free to reach out to them for assistance.
If you or someone you know is suicidal or in emotional distress, contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.Trained crisis workers are available to talk 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Your confidential and toll-free call goes to the nearest crisis center in the Lifeline national network. These centers provide crisis counseling and mental health referrals.
I know many of my subscribers are located in NJ. I have also included resources that are available in the South Jersey area.