Too often we allow people (other than ourselves) & things to validate who we are, what we have to offer & what we are worth. Despite how much I do not want to admit it, the truth is, I am guilty of this too. We have allowed letter grades, yearly salaries, hourly wages, romantic & non-romantic relationships, negative interactions, employment, & material things to have too much weight on how we view ourselves & what we believe we can offer to the world. For forever, the world has told us what success looks like & that is one of the main reasons we are too hard on ourselves.
Success is what we define it as. It has nothing to do with monetary gain, the romantic or non-romantic relationships we maintained or how we advance professionally, because we all know– despite how well we appear to be doing in life– these things do not add true value to it. We can be doing well & still be disappointed in the person we see in the mirror. The more we allow the perspective of others to hold weight on our lives, the less value we see in ourselves & the worse we feel.
As someone who recently felt unworthy, I am here to tell you that you are more than worthy– YOU ARE PRICELESS. Your accomplishments or your possessions do not make who you are. Instead, it is the content of your character. If you are kind, how you make people feel when you have encounters with them, your positive perspective on life, how you treat people, etc. Because the truth is, when you are gone, these are the things that people will remember; not how much money you had in the bank or the nice car or home you had. So make a conscious effort- everyday- to ensure that you do not give so much rank to these things in your life. Instead just love yourself the way you are. YOU as you are, is the only thing that deserves any validation in your life.
We have all been there before. Regardless of how well we live our lives, how well we may or may not treat people; we are not exempt. We have all experienced rejection from people we love, employers, strangers & associates. However, it is important that we understand that it is inevitable & one ‘no’ is another ‘yes’ down the line. Unfortunately, rejection hurts & could have crippling consequences that we can carry around with us forever. In the face of rejection, the greatest indicator of our character is how we stand up after we are forced to look it in the face.
I, myself, struggle with rejection. I am typically a very confident person. I know what I am worth & I know how hard I worked to get to where I am now. But I would be a liar if I said rejection did not sting when it has happened; some times more than others. But please believe me when I say that rejection does not say anything about who you are. In fact, it is just a reminder that a better opportunity will present itself. Do not let the these moments make you feel like less than what you truly are. In fact, these are the exact moments that will be a testament to your strength.
To encourage you further, please take a few minutes to watch the two videos below. I believe they could do for you, what they did for me.
In the meantime, never forget this- rejection’s only strength is in building you up. All the other side effects are obsolete.
Throughout our lives we have been through different situations that have caused us discomfort. Regardless of how long it took, we can all reflect back on that time & recall how we felt & the specific circumstances that surrounded that discomfort. However, as the time passes on we can acknowledge that we are not in the same place we were then & can be proud that we are past that point of our lives that we likely thought was going to take us out.
We have all been there. We have all felt first hand the effects discomfort inflicted on us from school, work & interpersonal relationships we encounter along the way; all of which, has molded us into the women we are today. Our experiences have made us wise, empathetic, strong, fierce, relatable & resilient. All these qualities make us better suited for our own situations & geared for the situations of others who may call on us. Therefore, if you are currently in a state of discomfort, such as myself, remain positive. All of what you are experiencing has come before you with the betterment of YOU as the the result.
Sometimes it is difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But you have to KNOW it is there. As you go through it, reflect on the lessons & take note of your evolution. If that proves to be a little harder than intended, just reflect on the more difficult times of your life that you got through. Because what you thought was going to take you out has had no longevity in comparison to you. It was difficult but short lived & in no way has rank over all that you are destined to be. Every situation that restricts you, that makes it increasingly more difficult for you & causes you to stumble is just that. They are not permanent. They are simply the water used to water you into full bloom. Embrace it.
For as long as I could remember, I have always had unreasonable expectations on how to maneuver through life. In doing this, I failed to keep track of what was important. I would get so caught up in what had to be perfect that I never prepared myself for the possibility that things may not go as planned & if I keep trying to fit it in a box; I will miss out on how truly amazing it is to just live. As I get older & get more comfortable talking about this with my peers; I have learned that the sentiment that I once thought was mine, is a sentiment shared amongst all of them, as well. Because the truth is, so many of us are asymptomatic for depression & anxiety because we have all imposed these crappy expectations on ourselves that make it impossible to just relish in the moment & allow life to present to us what it may.
This must stop. We have to accept that this life thing does not come easy. In fact, sometimes it is extremely difficult to get through & when we think we have it all figured out, whoop, we don’t. That is totally ok. No one told us we had to have the solutions to all the conflicts that are presented to us; we did. When the truth of the matter is, all we really need to do is survive & enjoy ourselves while we do so. In fact, we just need to make sure that at the end of the day, we are decent human beings that leave some type of positive imprint on the world. We need to keep in mind that there are no specifics in how we do it; we just really need to do it our way; the way we choose how to.
I believe many of us cannot enjoy life the way we were meant to because we allow the pressures of our lives to make us automatic & responsive. But sometimes, if we sit still, in peace, in quiet & focus on the soothing noises around us, we will find more opportunities that allow us to just breathe. Opportunities that allow us to just sit back & recognize that we are not doing so bad, after all & we just need a little moment away.- to get our thoughts together; to get our minds right. Life does not come with a manual & quite frankly, it would not be any fun if it did. So take from life what you can- experiences, moments, joy, happiness, sadness- & make of it what you can. Life is more than short, it’s worth it.
As you may have saw last week, I have had to take a minute away to recharge. Initially, I believed in only giving you content when I have made it through a storm. However, I am currently in an emotional battle & I recognize that life must still go on. Life stops for no one & the best way to get over & past things is to attempt to bring your life back to some type of normalcy. I have advocated for self care on a public platform for well over a year now & somehow forgot that in advocating for self care, that there will be instances when I will need to acknowledge that my own journey needs a moment or two for a little tender, love & care.
It has been a little over a week that I have not felt like myself. I have been struggling to be productive & struggling to see the bright side of things (which is really not like me). As someone who has sat side by side with depression, I can recognize that I am not there but that something will need to change before I get caught up sitting with my “old friend” again. So today, I decided to live up to my promise to always remain transparent & tell you all that I am struggling. Nonetheless, I will also follow up with this statement by telling you, that it is ok to be totally honest with ourselves when we are. Sometimes we get so use to looking like we have it all together that we are hard on ourselves when we don’t. Sometimes things just don’t make sense and it effects us. Sometimes things sting more than we anticipated & sometimes life just does not seem fair. But if there is anything I learned in the three decades I have walked this earth– the difficult times do not last forever.
Sadness will eventually be turned to joy, tears will turn to laughter & anger will turn to peace because our lives were not meant to be a relay race of obstacles we cannot overcome. In fact, our lives are about the victories. A bunch of small & large wins that enable us to reflect back on those trophy moments & be proud. So if you are like me & having a more difficult time than normal, remain encouraged. Remain positive that this too shall pass. After all, we do not have to be everyone’s superhero, we just have to be our own.
We have all had our own fair share of pain. We have also had experiences that were set up to take us out. Although pain from person to person is not comparable; it is extremely important that we recognize when we have given it too much of our energy. We must identify when we have allowed that to force us to have a victim mindset instead of the mindset of a survivor. In a day & age where women are constantly undergoing scrutiny when it comes to our bodies, our rights, our perspectives & our choices; it is imperative that we maintain the will to keep fighting & do not adopt a victim mentality that will use up all our fuel that will propel us to success.
There is perseverance that comes from affliction, victory from suffering & persistence from exertion. But in order to endure, we must have the right mindset to overcome such hardships. If we sit back, idle & unable to move past what hurt us, we will remain there; stuck. That is not the intent for our lives. We were created to live fruitful, victorious & prosperous lives. There are not enough negative experiences or bad encounters that are deserving of taking from us what is rightfully ours. We have to take the flames of our hell & mold our resilience. This is war, love. We need to fight like hades for our victory; for our sanity. It may seem hard, but there is nothing, on this earth that can truly take us out- if we mold our mindset in our favor. If we fail to do so, we will stay chained to our oppression & will fail to see the light at the end of the tunnel– once that happens, we have already lost. But the victory is here. We are no longer victims, we are the victors! Justice will always be victorious.