Sacrifices Are Necessary

Good morning Conglomerates!! Special thank you goes out to you for joining me another week. The constant feedback & support has surely kept me motivated to continue on this Nickkie&Co. venture so- THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

Sacrifice-860x500

Today, I feel a discussion on making sacrifices is a necessary discussion to have because sacrifices make final goals that seem out of reach feasible. We all do it, no matter how big or small it is; we do. If you are a parent or guardian of another human being you most certainly do. Regardless of how small or large your sacrifice; I am here to tell you, it will be worth it. Society treats sacrifice as a form of deprivation. Nickkie&Co. on the other hand recognizes that a sacrifice is a promise you have made to yourself in order to reach a final goal that allows you to be your best self while living your best life.

For as long as I could remember, I have made sacrifices in order to afford myself opportunities that I may not have if I did not make the sacrifices I did. My whole college career was based on the promises a sacrifice has afforded me. Despite how trying the sacrifice has been, I have always attempted to keep my eyes on whatever the final goal was; the prize. Even now, temporary sacrifices are still evident in my life in hopes that in the long run it will be worth it. Aside from reaping the rewards sacrifices have afforded me; I am sure to keep in mind, especially as I write this memoir, that patience is key. I have learned first hand that sometimes moving too quickly & forgetting what you did it for will have you forgetting the whole purpose; the promise you made to yourself.

So today Conglomerate, I want to remind you to stay focused on your goals & be mindful of your sacrifices. Regardless of how big or small they might be they make your overall goal obtainable. Sacrifices are TEMPORARY & I can not stress the importance of not giving up to you enough. We make sacrifices everyday, whether it is a weight loss challenge, a financial challenge or professional challenge; the lingering lesson in it all is that your patience is the key to crossing the finish line.

I can relate to the disheartening feeling that visits when the reward does not even appear to be peaking over the horizon. I can also vouch for feeling discouraged when progress is compared to the progress of someone else. It kills your momentum & it crushes your self esteem. Do not allow it. Do not compare yourself to the success, progress or advancement of other people because their journey is not relevant to your journey. Your story is not their story & their story is not yours. The paths laid out for your lives are different & you must make due with what you have. The irony in this is someone is looking at you doing the same thing; wondering how you have it all together even though you know the opposite. So do things your way, at your pace; the best way you know how. I understand it gets frustrating. I also understand that at times, in the process of living through our sacrifices that mistakes are made; that is totally ok. The idea is to pick up where you left off. No one said you had to be perfect, you just cannot give up. You owe yourself everything you are striving for & you are more than deserving.

Ok, you need to sacrifice a little financially so you can become a homeowner? Do it. Think about the equity you build for yourself instead of the equity you build for someone else; all because you chose to make a sacrifice. Tempted to eat something you feel you shouldn’t so that you can lose that final 5 pounds? Do not do it. Imagine how accomplished you will feel when you finally reach your goal. Life is all about taking little steps to get to the destination. It is a struggle now but once you arrive the sacrifice does not seem as painful.

All the goals you set for yourself are attainable you just have to believe they are. You have to trust yourself to do right by yourself because YOU conglomerate are capable & worthy! Do not get discouraged. Keep making the sacrifices, you will cross the finish line before you know it. Once those goals are slayed you open up the opportunity to create new sacrifices & new goals to make your life more than what you want it to be. You were not created to be stagnant or mediocre & you surely were not created to not believe in yourself. The world is yours. Act like it.

XO.

Image obtained from: http://www.cambridge.elim.org.nz/sermon/love-sacrifice-part2/

Dealing with Loss

Dealing with LossIn one way or another we hope that at some point in our lives we do not have to experience losing a loved one. Though it may cross our minds briefly, one never truly is prepared to deal with losing someone dear to them. In 2009, I had my first experience. I lost a friend to gun violence at a local community center to someone he never met a day in his life. In 2013, I fell into a deep depression when I lost a brother figure to another senseless act of violence. In December 2016, my family dealt with it’s first blow when my uncle lost his sudden fight with stage IV cancer exactly a week after his birthday. Though I can say I have been blessed not to have a lot of final losses in my life; it still hurts me just the same.

In all three of these scenarios I have gone through what they call the grieving process; however the order of the process, I have been through it. As ugly as it has been, I am getting through it. Because truth is, from my experience, the grieving process never ends. As life goes on without my loved ones, I have learned to accept that they are no longer with us. Though with time it gets a little easier & I may not think of them every day as I did initially; their absence rings loudest to me during celebratory events they are no longer here for. Eventually pictures of them start to age & all we have left are the memories. With that being said, in all 3 scenarios, at some point, I was riddled with regret wishing there was more time to spend with them & tell them that I loved them with a wish that I could have done something to prevent the inevitable.

In life, unfortunately as we get older we start realizing that death is not so uncommon & that loss gets closer to our hearts. The passing of our grandparents, friends, siblings, parents & children start to plague us but some how we are expected to get through the day. Our jobs gives us 3 days & we are told by whomever, with whatever letters behind their names, that generally the true grieving process, from start to finish, takes about a year. Bless the soul this is true for because it surely is not true for me. Sometimes I am crushed thinking of the experiences they may never get to experience or the things they will never get to see. I get moved to melancholy or joy when I hear certain songs or if the weather is a certain way.

I tell myself often that had I known I would lose them when I did I would have prepared myself. I would have cherished every moment & though I was as good as I could have been while they were here on earth, somehow I often feel I could have been better. But then I realize, I truly gave them the best version of myself I could have because what I gave them was me; genuinely. They got all of me even if it was for a shorter period of time. They saw the real, the raw & the ugly. They have seen the good & the bad. Shoot, sometimes they even felt it. But it was authentic. They got the sides of me that I do not believe they would have seen if I prepared myself for them leaving so soon.

So today, I tell you that if you have not dealt with loss yet, sadly, one day you will. If you are dealing with loss please keep this in mind. Despite what may cross your mind, I want you to know that there is nothing you could have done to prevent this. I also want you to know that regardless of how hard it is you can not stop living because they have; they would not want it that way. Instead, we have to live in their memory. Live for them. Have the experiences they would not be able to have but relish in your moments to your fullest. It is not realistic of me to tell you not to be sad & I will not bore you with cliches telling you why you should not be sad. Instead, I say be sad; feeling every emotion, whether sad or happy, it keeps them alive. It is ok to feel out of sorts & it is ok to miss them. It is also ok to wonder if life’s little miracles are small gestures from them telling you they are ok. It is ok to be hopeful that they are with you & watching over you. Most importantly, it is ok to LOVE them more each day they are gone because it is YOU who keeps them alive. I urge you though, do things at your own time. Do not rush your healing by the timeline of someone else. Instead, accept the pitfalls & the lows. If you need assistance getting through the hurdle it is ok to seek it. Strive to do anything that allows you to be your best self, even if your best self seems so far away. You will come around. It is hard now, it will be hard later but it is how you evolve in these moments that will make those who have passed on proud.

XO.

6b55c770-99cc-4e9c-88e4-73529afdb98b

Knowledge is POWER

Growing up we obtain the majority of our knowledge from relationships we build from adults & our peers, school, books (if we read) & TV. As we get older the avenues we use to obtain our information may vary a bit but regardless of the source; information is retained that molds our beliefs & understanding. Some information is ingrained in our brains permanently; others not so much. Conglomerates, in order to live our best lives for ourselves & our families we must never stop learning & be open to resetting the information we may have obtained over the years. This fact remains true regardless of how old we get, how our experiences effect us or how generations shift. As people get older, a shortcoming many people have is that with age they fail to realize that new information is available to access. Usually they are unwilling to reset what they have learned due to generational ignorance or an inability to accept that with time information changes as well. It is most helpful if you continue to learn new information as it becomes available while keeping your span of your knowledge fresh & renewed.

As I age, I have learned that some of the information I learned as a child has become outdated or has just been plain out wrong. Though the wisdom behind the information may not have changed directly, how it applies to life may have. With age, experiences & time are not the only variables that make us wise. Instead, having the patience to keep up with new changes such as technology or being humble enough to recognize that some information that you have learned in the past may very well be wrong; will always make you wise beyond your years. The retention of information is generational. Therefore if something continues to be taught incorrectly or out of context, we risk passing on ignorance to our loved ones that may hinder them long after we are gone. This in turn contributes to a blood line of generational ignorance & inconsistencies.

I come from a family in which some people just fail to accept that some of the information they are sharing is no longer correct based on the time or era we are currently in. Granted, I know this is not intentional & I understand that they have grown up in a time when challenging information was unacceptable but I have seen first hand how roles have shifted. From being the “go-to” person everyone ran to for answers they eventually shifted to the person we go-to sometimes because they have opted not to advance along with the information that once upon a time held true. As my generation in our family gets older we no longer accept that things should be done a certain way or is fact because someone older than us told us so. We have the ability & readily accessible resources that challenge our way of thinking. We acknowledge its importance & we take advantage of what is available to us so that we are never limited by what we do not know. It is acceptable to challenge what does not make sense but we must be accepting of new information & research what we do not know. Most importantly, so that information does not die with us, we need to be open to share what we learn so that no one will ever be taken advantage of on the basis of what they do not know.

Sadly, so many of us strive to live our best lives but we will fail to do so if we allow ourselves to stay behind the grid. Knowledge truly is key & it does not have to come from expensive tuition rates & outdated text books. Knowledge is attainable to anyone who wants it. If the goal is to live your best life, never allow anyone to dictate what information you should have access to. Never allow yourself to shift from the “go-to” person to the “sometimes” person because you failed to teach yourself new things & reach your full potential. Understand that as long as you are living, you can never know enough. Understand that what you do not know does not take away your worth but gives you an opportunity to learn something new & may open doors for you that you did not think you had the keys to. Do not be the cause of your limitation & the generational limitations of your family. Understand that there is power in knowledge & why it is important that we have it.

Historically, failure to access knowledge bred oppression. Laws were passed to prohibit access of knowledge to slaves partly because once it is obtained, it at minimum allows us equal footing to those who do not find us worthy. We are worthy! Knowledge makes us fierce & learning this is an essential step to living the life you always imagined you could live. Over the years the avenues in how we access & gain information has gotten more creative & more readily accessible. Teach & learn. Be hungry for it. Hunger for knowledge is the one sure way to guarantee your survival & your ability to live your life; by your terms, your best way.

XO.

Conquering Lupus

Good Morning Conglomerates! Today we have another courageous Guest Inspiration here to share her story with us for LUPUS AWARENESS MONTH. Tiger is another fierce conglomerate who is using her experiences to remind you that regardless of the circumstances it is going to be ok! She shares with us the importance of self care, perseverance & finding your strength within your “weakness”. #Nickkie&CoWearsPurpleForTiger

Hi Ladies! Anyone who knows me calls me Tiger; if this is our first-time meeting, it’s truly an honor & thank you for reading.

I’m almost 25 years young but almost every day I feel as if I’m twice my age, trapped in someone else’s body. I feel robbed, I feel betrayed, & quite frankly; I used to be angry as hell.

I started this journey with my autoimmune disease right around my 21st birthday. I was in a draining relationship, working 3 jobs and putting myself through college when my whole world came crashing down. I had simply been feeling “off” for a while. I got random rashes that would come and go. I was always a woman that ran so my joints hurting wasn’t uncommon either. Even when my hair was falling out it seemed normal to me. I had become so out of tune with myself that I really didn’t notice anything at all. However, my various blood tests over the months is what made my doctors dig deeper. A few weeks after what should have been one of my biggest birthdays, turned into an everyday struggle to affirm “Your story doesn’t end here”.

I suffer from a disease called Systematic Lupus Erythematous. To simply put it, my body attacks itself at random and is unable to defend or maintain. My symptoms can vary but, most commonly I’m extremely fatigued, I may develop rashes on my body, I’ve lost a lot of my hair, my organ systems can shut down & it’s incredibly hard to move around without feeling extreme pain. Every single day is difficult for me.

When I was first diagnosed, I cried for hours. I locked myself in my room, laid back in bed & pretended the last few days were just a bad dream I needed to wake up from. I was overcome with the thought that I was dying. To hear that there wasn’t a cure & not a lot of research, was what really knocked the air out of my lungs. I couldn’t just live a normal life & once again, it seemed the devil was robbing me of my light. I HAD PLANS… I was going to practice medicine, I was going to open my sneaker store, I had to see my siblings graduate & I was going to be the rich auntie that sent money filled cards & traveled the world. I couldn’t die yet. I wasn’t done living! I spent more time in various doctor’s office than anywhere else. I had about 6 pills to take everyday and those pills changed every few months when they stopped working for me. It seemed like my rheumatologist (doctor who specializes in Lupus) would only have bad news. I had to cut my hair off, I dropped about 15 pounds &  it looked like life was being sucked out of me.

I fell into a deep depression. I refused to let anyone help me, I didn’t want to talk about my feelings & I certainly didn’t want to go see any of my various doctors. I figured if I could ignore my pain long enough it would simply go away. I had no idea what self-care was nor, did I understand anything about mental health. I was raised to suck it up & keep moving because there was no time to feel & healing could happen along the way. The finish line was moving every single day & if I stopped even for a minute, I’d never make it to the end. So, exactly what do you do on the days when your body is telling you to rest but the world refuses to let up just for a moment? YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU FIRST!

You must understand that direction is much more important than speed. Don’t allow yourself to run blind & fast. I desperately wish someone would have told me this & stressed the importance. As women we naturally put ourselves aside in the name of business. But if you keep teaching yourself to put yourself last, how will anyone ever learn to put you first? Self-care is absolutely something everyone needs to learn. I still struggle with this but after learning that healing looked different for everyone, it became easier. For me, I listen to a lot of podcasts; specifically, Elevation Worship. I learned to listen to my body so, I’m a plant-based Vegan. I write music, I dance terribly, I love purely & intensely and seek God relentlessly. Living with lupus at such a young age isn’t easy but I don’t walk around defeated. Some days I don’t have the strength to lift my head, other days I’m putting on makeup to cover up my scars & on all those days I’m thankful to still be here. What I want to stress to anyone reading this is, it’s going to be okay. Whether you have lupus or another autoimmune disease, or any problem at all, you’re going to make it. We will all die someday so while you are here; don’t forget to enjoy the view. My world crashes in pieces everyday but I’ve learned to continuously build a new one out of the pieces I have left. What I’m trying to tell you is to simply breathe & find your footing. Even on the days that seem dark, make sure you keep at least one person around as your lighthouse to guide you back home. I promise you, you can endure more than you think.

If my story touched you in anyway please feel free to rock purple any day this month in solidarity for those who have Lupus. If purple isn’t your color, that’s fine too! However, I challenge you to make a list of three methods to self-care for Mental Health awareness month.

I’m rooting for you.

Take care.

XO.

“We will all die someday so while you are here; don’t forget to enjoy the view.”

The Best Side of Me

Good morning conglomerates! Happy Mother’s Day! Today I want to take a different approach to today’s memoir. In honor of Mother’s Day, I would like to dedicate it to my mom. I hope that in reading this you will be able to identify the similarities of greatness between our mothers &/or mother figures.

I mentioned my mother in a memoir previously & in Accepting Failure you were able to catch a small glimpse of how much she means to me, the type of impact she has had on my life & how much I have aspired to be just like her. Even as an adult, I take pride in knowing that I am evolving into the woman that makes her proud.

My mother has contributed significantly to my self-love pursuit, even before I knew that loving myself without conditions was a pursuit I would pursue. Despite the personal “complexes” she harbored throughout her life, she ensured I did not carry the same. Despite our differences she thought I was beautiful. My mom is what I believed to be the ideal woman growing up. She is a native of Dominican Republic with light-skin, manageable hair, a small figure & a tone of voice to die for. My mom is an achiever. She is driven & really just all around amazing. I wanted to be JUST LIKE HER.

In a world that taught me to loathe my brown skin & despise my unruly hair, my mom was a strong advocate who reminded me to love the skin I was in, to love the hair I was given, & to love the person I was becoming. She reminded me endlessly that these characteristics, together, made me who I am; they made me uniquely divine. The type of devotion she put into loving me is unsurpassed. Even as I try to endlessly love into myself how she loved into me, I reflect with affection the sacrifices she has made for me.

See, my mother is a single mother whose SOUL priority was to provide for me on a physical & emotional level. We were poor, but I did not know it. Though there were financial hardships we were rich by other means. In her love & sacrifices, I never wanted for a thing. She taught me the value of working hard & being a good person even when I did not want to be. She taught me to be honest (even though at times my honesty goes beyond what she intended it to be) & she taught me to be generous by exemplifying the heart to give even when there is not much to give. My mom allowed me to remain passionate but reminded me the importance of respect. My shortcomings were never beneath her but always an obstacle for us to overcome– together.

Aside from an abundance of christmases & birthdays; the time my mother put into what she believed were little gestures of affection are what stands out most to me. I remember my mother would make her own oils that added radiance to my skin complexion she loved so much. She would take time ensuring that my skin was free from scars or imperfections. The hair I hated, the hair that was so thick, long & would kink up at the first sign of water was taken care of too because she had natural products she created to love into it, to nurture it & to make it more beautiful than she already believed it to be. But what stands out to me most are the HOURS she would put into washing my hair every Sunday. I would cry, I would be exhausted from the fight to tame my wet hair & disappointed that I could not be more like her with the wash & go hair & a lighter skin complexion. I never took into account then how she may have felt after our 10-plus hour ordeal but I can say this with confidence, she never complained because she thought I, her “prieta”, was worth it.

This is a small testament to the kind of person she is. She worked so hard for things she did not have to do for herself. Despite how exhausting or time-consuming the task, she made sure she had the strength to do it for me. She is the reason I feel beautiful now; emotionally & physically. I would even go as far as to say she is the reason why I can write memoirs for you today. She taught me to love a language that came second to her so that I would NEVER have to be ashamed to speak up for myself. She forced me to look up words when I did not know them & taught me to fall in love with reading so my knowledge would never be limited to what appears on the TV screen. As I got older, her sacrifices surely did not go unnoticed instead they came with a larger price tag. It is because of her I have those 5 letters behind my name. The first 4 years of my college career was on her back & even as I pursued higher education guess who allowed me to stay in her house, rent free?! Her only request; make me proud.

So as I sit here, master of criminal justice & master of public administration & maybe one day, Dr. Burgos, I can look myself in the mirror & recognize that I am who I am because of what she poured into me. Which now leads me to the point of this memoir. If you are a child keep in mind that there will be a point in our lives when the roles will switch & we will have to take on caring for our moms. I hope that in having a good mother figure that it has led you to be an example of the kind of person you should be to her when she is less capable. I am not always so patient with mine. But it has nothing to do with the amount of love I have for her. Many times, recently at least, it is because she has & still puts so much love into me she forgets that it is time to love into herself. If you are a mother, I want to empathize, not as a mother, but as a child that you never know what stands out most to your children, the influence you may have on them or what a gesture will mean to them when they are older. But keep in mind that although you have been awarded a very thankless job, the gestures you hardly notice you do for us also speaks volumes to us & molds us to be who we will be. Though it feels your hard work goes unnoticed, you honestly would probably never know what has stood out to us unless you are told. My mom would likely never know unless she reads this memoir & even this does not even begin to scratch the surface. My mom knows I love her but I do not think she understands how, what she believes to be small sacrifices, resonates with me even as an adult. So moms, you will never, ever know the impact you have on your children & you will never understand the magnitude of the gratitude that we have for you. As parents you wish for us to live a happy life & though we may not always understand why you do the things you do; I know for certain, regardless of how you have impacted our lives, our lives will never be the same without you. Happy Mommy’s Day!

XO.

img_1415
“They ask me what’s my best side, I stand back & point at you”

 

 

Power of Affirmations

confidence-affirmationsWelcome back conglomerates! Today I want to discuss the importance of your words, along with the significant impact they can have on your life & the lives of others. Your words are so much more powerful than your ability to tell someone off. Not only can words be used to advocate for yourself, words can have a significant influence on your mental, emotional, & physical abilities. If you recite strong affirmations in your life I can guarantee you that you will notice a change in how you think, what you invest your energy in, how you process & how you think of yourself. As you continuously speak positively you will feel that energy envelope around you. In fact, words you choose to speak to yourself have such an impact that you will notice a difference in the type of people you attract. You will see that even their vibes, energy & lives are positive as well.

For the most part, I am a faithful person. Regardless of how bad a situation may get for me, how miserable I may be; I truly remain faithful. See, most people’s faith tests come to them at the lowest point of their lives & I can say during my most difficult life encounters I have always known that something better was coming for me. The more defeated I became the stronger my faith & positive my self affirmations have become. I spoke them out loud & I spoke them often. I know factually that remaining positive has protected me on levels I can not even imagine. The last thing I want in these situations is to believe what I feel because often what I feel is temporary. That is not to say that I do not have negative moments. Honestly, sometimes I can not stand to even hear myself think because there are times I am negatively influenced by an environment of negative people that in turn influence my own thinking. Some days are harder than others & sometimes I have to consciously remind myself of the whole purpose of this memoir– there is power in my words & even more strength in my affirmations. Therefore I am consciously aware not to verbalize negative thoughts about myself that may haunt me.

What you say & how you talk to yourself is important because it will have an influence on your life. Therefore I suggest making a conscious effort to recite positive affirmations– always! Especially when you do not feel like yourself, when you are sad, angry or feeling worthless. Remind yourself that you are one of a kind. No one on this planet was created like you. You are good enough & regardless of the situation, the outcome will work out in your favor even if it does not feel like it now. Positive affirmations give you something to believe & something to look forward to. If you fail to speak positively into yourself, in a world that never fails to remind you that you are not good enough, you are truly selling yourself short. So often we hear compliments & praises for specific character traits & we fail to acknowledge them but allow one person to tell us one negative thing & we are unable to move past it.

This is also the very reason why I suggest not vocalizing negative thoughts that may cross our mind. The moment we speak them they become a reality & we begin to believe them, regardless of how rational or irrational our thoughts may be. We can actively combat or ignore a comment someone else may say about us but it becomes increasingly harder to do so if we begin believing what they say. It is all a process –“such-and-such” says we are not good enough > we attempt to justify why we are > in silence we let “suck-and-such’s” harsh words manifest > we start obsessing about it, thinking about it > vocalizing it (whether to ourselves or others) & finally we start believing it. In vocalizing & believing it, we then make it a reality. Therefore, if we make constant affirmations reminding ourselves of our worth we will learn to accept compliments & swat away criticism.

We need to stop being so hard & judgmental of ourselves. We need to learn to swiftly accept compliments & become slow in accepting the negative statements others may say to or about us. Remember that what ever is going on that effects us is all apart of the process. Nothing is worth diminishing our self esteem especially in the form of negative self talk. So it is time we accept, praise & positively work on our individual imperfections while recognizing our growth. In our growth we would continue loving into ourselves by reminding ourselves who we are, why we are here, & what our overall goal for our lives are. I am not naive enough to think this change of behavior happens instantly. I am aware that it takes time but initiating the requirement for positive vibes around us is worth it. If we can not practice the behaviors for ourselves, we can not expect others to do it otherwise.

Therefore Conglomerate, remember you are:

Amazing

Fascinating

Worthy

Beautiful

Powerful

Strong

Phenomenal

Smart

Deserving

& Most Importantly—

You!

 

Until next time conglomerate!

XO.

6b55c770-99cc-4e9c-88e4-73529afdb98b

Conglomerates, here’s a quick tip:

I tend to write positive affirmations on mirrors in the house I use often as way to ingrain them into my brain purposefully or subconsciously. Dry erase markers are perfect for this project & it causes you to think proactively about your strengths. It is a fun & creative project that you can make according to your heart’s desire. I personally like to change my affirmations every couple weeks to keep them fresh. But of course, it is totally up to you!

The Truth About Closure

closed-door-550x367I have broken up with boyfriends & past the point of “it’s over” much else would not be said on my end. Whether I deleted my ex beau’s number, have opted to not answer text or phone calls or even went as far as blocking them, I am often the friend the baffles my friends with the “savagery” as they wonder what happened to the closure. Simply put, closure to an already failing relationship is an excuse to hold on to something that should be over in the first place. It keeps the door open for your ex to pop up, interrupt your peace & potentially hinder your healing process. Instead of truly closing the door on the relationship it now has the potential to become the revolving door & never ending cycle of the on-again-off-again relationship that so many of us get caught up in. Therefore closure, simply put, is a TRAP.

Chasing after the answers you know the answer to & chasing after the apology you believe you deserve often results in time lost that you will never get back. As a deserving woman who is attempting to pick up the pieces by healing & preserving your peace the explanation they give will never be good enough. Despite what they say, or how much they apologize, waiting for a subpar explanation hinders your healing process. Take what you know of the situation & use that as motivation to fuel your healing. Use the time you would use “waiting” to contribute to something productive & valuable to you. Start the self care process. Use the time you would spend seeking closure to grieve & build up your self-self esteem so that you can move forward with your life with no set backs that will have you feeling disappointed in yourself later.

In the past, I can recall the times I have engaged in these closure conversations that resulted in me being set back further in my hurt. Instead of being satisfied with what I was told, I was unsure of the truth, I was crying again, I was disappointed again, I was embarrassed, questioning myself & wondering why I even had the conversation in the first place. In a moment of grief we have different triggers that can impact us negatively, our minds race, we put pieces together to things that were hidden from us & depending on how well the other person feels the conversation went they will start popping up with occasssional phone calls & “just checking on you” text mesaages & disturbing your peace at their will. With time, in our vulnerable state, every attempt at communication makes our hearts grow fonder & can make it a bit harder to move up, over & past it.

Conglomerate, please believe me when I tell you, the closure you are anxiously seeking is not coming from your ex. There is nothing they can say that can make you feel better about what transpired. In fact, the closure you desire comes from a source you least expect– YOU. Once you invest in your healing, move on from the relationship & find your peace you will than have the closure you wanted. You will never find peace responding to those “hey, just checking on you”, “I miss you” text messages or answering, & engaging in heated phone conversations that go back and forth in manipulative banter. Peace will never find you that way. In fact, I am a firm believer, in blocking and deleting numbers, regardless of how “good” or “bad” the breakup was because it is important to me to preserve my inner peace. That is what I want for you– PEACE. Regardless of how short or long the relationship was, every encounter takes from you & you have to work on putting back the pieces of yourself. Succeeding in this is the sure way to find your closure. Conglomerate, build, grow and invest in your self peace so that somewhere along the way you will unlock the door to true closure. You are worth everything you invest in yourself.

Until next time conglomerates, happy healing.

XO

109b1aaf-e0e8-4bb9-bc53-933ef3392211

Your Power

hero

Welcome back conglomerates. Today I am going to discuss a topic that up until this week I thought I had mastered. I am referring to the art of not allowing other people, outside of myself, to steal my joy. This week I learned that despite how far I have come on my self love pursuit there are still things I need to keep working on.

This week was a trying week for me at a job I just started about 3 months ago. The trying part was not the requirements of the job or how I managed my time. The challenge for me was how I let other people’s behaviors effect me to the point that I lost my power. A situation occured that had me responding out of character. Instead of leaving it as what it was, I internalized it & allowed other people’s immoral behavior effect the way I processed, felt & how I went on about my day. I allowed people whose opinions mean very little to me outside of my work enviornment to effect my mood so badly that I could not sleep at night. It was not until right before I started writing this memoir that I realized that I let these people snatch my joy for a few days. When I allowed these people to take my joy I allowed them to have power over me.

As we go through our day & are stimulated by the things around us it is important that we maintain control of our emotions by not allowing anyone the liberty to effect them to the degree that I did this week. As women, we give many people & many situations power over us just by relinquishing our joy & happiness to the situations that are presented. We become unhappy when we have disagreements with people we maintain professional & personal relationships with. Many times instead of dealing with the situation as what it is, we fail to move past it by letting it keep us up at night, from eating, going to the gym, isolating ourselves or failing to engage in other self love regimes we have discovered gives us joy.

It is not realistic for me to promote turning your emotions off or ignoring behaviors that have hurt you or have caused harm. But to fester, replay the situation repeatedly & obsessing on how you should have handled things is not contributing to self care instead it does the exact opposite. It promotes someone to be the puppet master of your life without you intentionally promoting them. I never understood this when I was younger but I understand it so much better now. People can only do what you allow them to do. The way we can ensure people do not interrupt our peace is by making consious decisions to be mindful that all situations do not last forever. Although it does not always feel like it, we have complete control of how we react to the things that happen to us. We lose control when we are past the point of being rational. As women going places, we have to keep in mind that no one is worthy of our power & many of the situations we face daily truly are just beneath us & are not worth the energy. As I have said in previous memoirs, your time is valuable, it is billable & everyone is not entitled to it. Every minute you give someone else your joy based on something they have done to you, is a minute you have given away freely. Your time is valuable & so is your power. Your power is your super power & all people, situations or things do not warrant a reaction, especially not a continuous reaction. You are the creator of your story line. People & situations can only contribute to it based on how you allow them to. Regain your power. It is yours for the keeping. You have every right to keep it, store it & protect it.

XO.

109b1aaf-e0e8-4bb9-bc53-933ef3392211

Use Your Story…

bookConglomerates, one of the amazing things about being a woman is that we are multifaceted. What people see is not always what people get & despite how different we are from one another we all have different stories & experiences that make us who we are. These experiences influence our motives, moods, passions, how we treat others & how we allow others to treat us. The real gem is that we go through many things, think many things & despite what we go through people will never know what or how our experiences have truly effected us. Quite frankly, all of us, in some way are still healing from things we have never talked about. So I devote this memoir to a new perspective– from not speaking about our experiences but instead to doing the opposite. As women going places we should talk about our experiences so that we can help other women get through their difficult times.

As women, we go through many things in our lives & out of concern of appearing too sensitive, being judged, feeling alone or in the process of healing, we do not usually share what we have been through. We need to take a different approach to this. Beautiful things will happen within the female population if we share our stories openly. Even if we are still standing in the middle of our own storm sharing it can present us with an opportunity that reminds us we are not alone. It can also help another woman realize, despite what she feels like, she is not weathering her storm alone & despite its magnitude she will & can get through it. In our tribulations we often feel isolated in our circumstances & unrelatable. But if we knew that our stories were similar to other women who got through it –whether it was the stress of starting a business, surviving a break up, going through a divorce, struggling in grief or battling illness — we can be the example of someone who saw the eye of the storm & made it through.

I keep this in mind when I write my memoirs every week. Though, I may not be going through every topic currently, I still speak from my experiences in hopes that it will resonate with someone, somewhere who feels defeated, who is struggling or is having a hard time seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Nonetheless, I still acknowledge that I am still learning how to survive & although I may not have it all together right now I am still a work in progress. This is what we should all to do for each other. We should network in our experiences so we can continue to build each other up to live our best lives. Share your story even if you think it is not important because I can guarantee you that your story, your success will touch someone you do not even know. Be able to pull the lesson from every situation so it can contribute to your growth & be passed on to others. Most importantly remind someone they are not alone.

If we start working within ourselves as a population, we will be able to make strides outside of ourselves to not only heal & empower ourselves but other people. In order to do this, we have to be able to reach our hands out to our sisters so we can walk through our experiences together because no matter which way we look at it, even if our stories did not unfold the same way, our stories are similar. We are relatable, we are united in our histories & our endings can be happy. Sometimes it just takes a group effort instead of a singular pursuit. Conglomerate, sharing your story is the first stride to ensuring a happy ending, making us relatable to one another & keeping us united. Do not shy away from what can make the world of difference in someone’s life because your story matters.

XO.

Falling in Love With Potential

Today’s memoir is a memoir that we can all resonate with. Either we do this or we know someone that is a frequent perpetrator. The person who continues falling in love with someone’s potential instead of falling in love with THEM as what they are at the moment & what they can offer you RIGHT NOW. Before I start, I understand that all relationships have their ups & downs. I also understand that many grown up relationships may consist of periods when one person has to pull the weight for a little while the other half gets it together. I also understand there are circumstances when both are meeting at the table with what they have to offer & are both striving equally to reach a goal. This memoir is not directed to those relationships or for those people.

This memoir is for the person just like myself. The person who instead of being realistic with what is being brought to us by a prospect, we get caught up in the potential of what they could be or what we could be together …if they could get it together. Major ERROR NUMBER 1. This as a result ends with us being completely disappointed & wondering what went wrong when we thought we finally had it right this time. Well I can tell you, because it is something I am still actively working on & though it took me a long time to realize it, the truth is –accepting someone because of their potential is just a nicer way of saying that — you are settling for less than what you are deserving of.

Now I understand that everyone may not have it all together right away, but the danger in potential is that we become oblivious to the clear-cut red flags waving at us to stay away. Quite frankly, when I reflect on some of my relationships or should I say my most hurtful situations, I wish I listened to my tribe member when she said, “Nick, when someone shows you their true colors, believe them.” I wish I would have understood the magnitude of what that meant when I heard it, but I was so blinded by potential that although I felt her statement made a good quote for a future meme, I felt it really did not apply to me. But if I tell you, IT DID!

It will serve of great value if we treat the dating process as employers treat the employment process. They compile a list of resumes of great characteristics, have an intense interview process & still hire people on a probationary period until they prove themselves. You see, you do not hear employers hiring anyone because of their potential. Instead, they review credentials, they speak to references, run background checks & confirm employment dates to ensure that they are not hiring someone who in turn fails to represent their brand, their investment & their sacrifice appropriately. We need to be just as thorough with our time & our choices.

As women going places, we do not always put value to the time we invest in people. We give our time away freely wanting to be Ms. Fixer-Upper taking on full projects to build up, remodel, & clean up people who show little to no signs that they are worth it. All because we see the potential of what they could be, how they could be or what we could be. As a result, our resources start running thin, our time starts being taken for granted & we get frustrated or disappointed when behaviors we enabled become expected with little reciprocation. We have to protect our time. The time we invest in someone is billable. We do not work for our employers for free just out of the kindness of our heart. We expect payment for the 8-10 hours we are there therefore we should not freely give up our resources, our time & our love without ensuring we give it to the right person, a deserving person, someone who can actively contribute to the cause. This mindset needs to be used in all relationships we encounter– family, friends, cohorts or love interests. Granted, I am not saying this is a pay & claim process, that you must expect something every time you do something nice for someone. I am saying potential has us wasting our time on people who do not fit the mold of our standards if we were not caught up in this illusion. In turn we get tired, regretful & go on hiatuses to get our minds right.

So many women end relationships knowing they should not have started them in the first place. Investing all our time & energy into someone who may or may not see the potential in themselves, wearing us thin. In turn we become tired. Tired of pulling all the weight, tired of not catching a break & tired of being disappointed because they never live up to what we believe they could be. We see & invest in the potential of someone else & neglect the potential in ourselves, we fail to nurture it & love into it. If we are to reach the highest threshold of our lives, all that extra energy we spend investing in others we must do for ourselves because whatever the outcome, whatever the cause, we are worth it.

With that, establish your bottom line so you can eliminate the possibility of disappointment. Give people time to show you that they are worthy before you invest in them entirely based on what you believe they can be. Disappointment lingers when you see the potential in them that they do not see in themselves. When the discrepancy becomes clear to them they will not correct you instead they thrive on the opportunity & feast on it. They will take what they can out of you while potential has you out here trippin’. Believe what people show you & do not store good deeds in your emotional bank for so long that you ignore the warning signs when they appear.

Conglomerate, you work hard and deserve the best life & you deserve to be surrounded by people who will contribute to it. Life can & will be full of ups & downs & learning experiences but for a change let us see what these experiences do for our own potential instead of using our lives to invest in the potential of someone else.

Until next time conglomerates, remember to live your best life while thriving in your own potential.

Xo.