Time Manage Your Self-Care

Morning loves! It’s been quite a while since I’ve checked in with you all. Frankly, I have no other explanation other than, lately, I have been struggling significantly with time management. I have been so caught up in my responsibilities & commitments that other things have fallen off my radar. Therefore, today, I am putting the time aside to remind you to never get so caught up with life that you lose time doing the things you like to do &/or are passionate about. Life is too short to be caught up with nothing but commitments. Life is suppose to be experienced.

Many of us have gotten so use to advocating for self-care when it comes to loved ones & friends; but have forgotten to practice it when it comes to ourselves. Life gets busy. That’s an obvious observation but it really doesn’t take much to pencil YOU in the schedule. Social media has turned self-care into an overly elaborate exercise that requires a lot of time & money that many of us DON’T have. But in actuality, self-care doesn’t have to be any of that. Just make sure it’s something you enjoy, something that makes your heart full (even for a few minutes a day) & the rest will fall into place.

Make an active decision to put YOU as a priority. I recognize that first isn’t always an option but being an option must always be. Don’t only make time for your daily hustle & bustle because those things become monotonous routines that easily make us forget that we are alive; that we are more than someone’s mother, paramour, sister, friend or daughter. Consciously choose to do the things that make your heart excited; the things that inspire you. Make your life count, if not for anyone else, for you anyway.

We can live for a million things but if we can’t live for ourselves too, what else is there to enjoy?

Let’s Talk Faith…

Good morning, Loves. Nothing is truly possible if you don’t have the faith to push you past the capacity of mediocre belief. We get stuck in the safe confines of comfort that we truly forget the benefits that stepping out on faith affords us. Faith is the sprinkle that allows us to manifest the most miraculous things in unimaginable situations. It allows us to see light in dark situations & breeds hope in unideal circumstances.

Despite what you may think, faith isn’t foreign to you. Actually, everyday you step into a task or responsibility that initially manifests from faith-actions. For instance, let’s talk parenting. I am sure you didn’t have the slightest idea how you would do it but you did & do it some how. Even on those difficult days, when things happen out of the norm, you trust that you will be fully equipped to see it through. Switching jobs, changing careers, moving, starting school, even something as simple as driving are clear indicators of faithful decisions we make every day. We are faithful (for the most part) that each day will remain pretty consistent; we trust that we are equipped to handle it when it’s not & we know that overall new opportunities will be afforded to us despite what the present situation is currently showing us.

The catch here is to never forget to jump at those faith driven opportunities even when we do not know what’s on the other side. Because that, is where the beauty of faith lies.

So today I am here to plead with you to never forget how far your faith has gotten you. Don’t ever get so caught up in life’s comforts that you become complacent when your spirit is desiring more. Change can seem scary or make you hesitant but you will benefit immensely from your leaps of faith. Leaps become big strides toward your purpose & they set the pace of where you should be. Don’t be scared of what life has to offer you. Give faith a shot. You’re covered.

Faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things seen.

Hebrews 11:1

Settling Looks Bad On You…

Hey loves! Sometimes it is so much easier to settle that a lot of times we don’t even realize that is what we are doing. But despite how we look at it; we have all been guilty of it one time or another. We have settled for the job that under values us, the dead end relationship, the outgrown friendship & even some of the personal goals we have established for ourselves. Life has a funny way of making us complacent when everything else feels out of control. Comfortability can be our worse enemy if we get comfortable in the realms we have settled in. Quite frankly, we are too lit to settle anyway.

Settling severely narrows our perspective. The longer we stay there, the harder it is for us to see bigger & better. For instance, I worked at a job for almost 5 years & although I have gained a lot of knowledge when I was there; there was a time when it stopped being a benefit to me. The job offered more headaches (literally) than positive experiences, I struggled financially & because I fell into this flow of comfortability; I felt undeserving of more. Imposter Syndrome had me thinking I couldn’t get more & that I was unworthy of more; that’s a narrative I know a lot of people are living with every single day- right now. Now 6 months later, I am with a new employer & can see the new horizons in from me. I have new opportunities & have created situations that have afforded me multiple streams of income. Although I knew I was blessed before, the magnitude of how blessed I feel now that I am active & less stress is not missed on me.

So I say all that to say, baby, this is your time. The time of complacency was never fitting for you. Settling because you were comfortable or didn’t want to challenge or disrupt your life’s rhythm was never becoming of you. It kept you from thriving. It kept you from exploring life & discovering new levels to you. Settling makes you fearful & overall boring. Life is so much fun if we just take those leaps of faith & allow ourselves to ripple the water in our ponds. Now ask yourself, is there any aspect of your life that you have settled in? What do you plan to do about it?

Generational Parenting

It’s so dope to see how differently we have opted to do things in comparison to how our parents have chosen to do things with us. For instance, we are having babies and speaking dreams into them, letting them know they can do the “impossible.” While we were told that dreams were fun we were also told that we needed to stay practical & get things done by any means; despite the cost. I think it’s beautiful that we are no longer sticking to the narrative told to us & rather allow our children be who they want to be on their terms. We spent enough time being told & unheard; we are actually taking the time to listen to who our children want to be. I think that’s freaking dope.

Don’t get me wrong, the generations before us did what they felt was appropriate at the time for our benefit; however, as with all things there is a learning process & we haven’t been taking it lightly. We have been respecting the course that things have taken & quite frankly adjustments have been made. I see parents teaching their children valuable lessons while allowing their children to experiment with the things that may or may not be of interest to them a few months from now. Parents now are totally content with the autonomy of choice while encouraging the understanding of consequence & sacrifice. It’s truly amazing to see.

With all that being said, I watch my friends (& friends of friends) be amazing parents & still not give themselves enough credit. Wanting to do more, do better & work harder. But understand me, as someone on the outside looking in, who has yet to have children of their own; teaching your children that they can start over, that they can make their own choices by trusting their gut & what they believe is best for them, is such a blessing that they’ll thank you for later.

As they get older, they’ll not only see that you trusted that they are capable, they will see the different things you had to worry about while raising them such as, the household, the social issues you advocated for to ensure the safety of their future, your mental health, their mental health & their joy; that all the things that you don’t get right they won’t hate you for. They’ll just do what you do, & change the narrative for their children because you taught them that. So, I say all this to say — y’all doing it. You’re doing it consciously & with total understanding that their individuality, their desires & dreams are what makes them special. Give yourself grace.

I Get It, You’re Tired, But…

Good morning Love,

I know you’re tired. I know you have been having a difficult time lately juggling your life, managing the concerns of those around you & being available for everyone’s beck & call. As much as you try to stay on top of it, you’re tired. You’re tired of being available. You’re tired of not getting any breaks. You’re tired of “break” days that aren’t really break days. Going, going, going, is wearing you down but if you don’t do it; who will, right?

Listen love, everything is not for you to handle. Everything is NOT your battle & everything surely does not require your intervention. People will survive without you being available every single time they call. Life becomes increasingly more difficult to enjoy when everyone’s issue becomes your problem. You deserve more than that. You deserve to enjoy life without having to wonder when someone will need you to step in or step up. Stop enabling circumstances that keep you from taking care of yourself & enjoying the life you can create for yourself.

Starting today, please begin making deliberate decisions on how you spend your time throughout the day. Create time in your routine JUST for you & no one else & be consistent. Recognize what you’re feeling & acknowledge what you need to feel to do to feel less tired; to feel alive. Be gentle to yourself. It’s ok to be a little selfish with your time & your abilities. Don’t beat yourself up when you’re not available for them; be available for you for once. You’re allowed. Boundaries are healthy. Make deliberate & healthy choices. You deserve it.

Sunday Noon Reminders…

Hello Lovie! Let’s start this week with a few gentle reminders–

Anything that occurred last week that ignited a negative reaction in you has now passed. Should you need to address anything further, you are able to address it with a sound mind & heart.

Any obstacle that you may face during the week will be insignificant by Friday.

You will enter rooms & will be noticed.

Your name will standout in rooms you have yet to enter.

You will have favor on you as you maneuver through opportunities & experiences.

You will find a healthy work-life balance & you will have enough energy to fulfill all your duties.

Tasks that appeared difficult before will be super easy this week.

You will shake off that spirit of procrastination & be productive with your tasks.

The things that you dread will not seem so cumbersome.

You will have tolerance, patience & understanding.

You will be slow to anger & will have exuberant joy.

You will create memories with those you love & you will feel as special as you are.

That things that once caused you turmoil, will no longer have the same effect.

You will begin effectively praying away your anxiety & will begin being able to see past the barrier imposed by it.

Depression will no longer have a stronghold on you & you will be able see more of the future ahead of you.

You will begin to relish in the moments & find gratitude in your ability to do so.

You will understand that love is greater than romance & find creative ways to receive & give love.

You will find appropriate ways to love into yourself & be gentle with the ways that you love others.

You will address & acknowledge your emotions & accept them as an extension of you.

You will not shun them or mistreat yourself for them but will instead learn why they are important.

You will be in tune with the happenings around you & will identify that things that do not suit you.

You will have more positive experiences than negative ones & you will move past the negative ones quickly.

You will have amazing encounters with amazing people.

You will be light.

You will give light.

You will receive light.

You will laugh & laugh often.

You will succeed by defining your own success.

You will receive each experience as a learning opportunity & look forward to the next opportunity.

This week is the start of many others but you will take it one week at a time;

One day at a time;

One moment at a time.

You will wake up tomorrow proud of the person you were today.

And the person that you are today is even greater than you were yesterday.

Seasonal Changes

I spend so much time thinking about the various aspects of my life where I have once been passionate & have now become lukewarm or complacent. I often give myself a hard time trying to get back to the feeling I once had that had me on fire. However, today I had revelation. As hard as I am on myself & as hard as you are on yourself about things like this; everything has it’s time & it has it’s season.

Sometimes we spend so much time trying to hold on to a past feeling or experience that we forget to relish in the experience that we are experiencing right now. Even if it does not feel the way it once felt; this particular moment in time is relevant & it matters. I am coming to the realization that we are not supposed to be on fire all the time; we need moments that appear “bland” to reflect, recharge & give ourselves the mercy we often withhold from ourselves.

These are the opportunities that were created to give ourselves grace. These are the moments that make us remember that we are human & that although we desire more, every moment is not for obtaining but sometimes it’s to abstain. However, keep in mind, as hard as we are on ourselves, what we consider as our lack of effort is inspiring to someone else. We have put in so much work during the times we are motivated, that most people do not even notice when we have plateaued into complacency. As much as we would like to keep going, our battery runs out & we owe it to ourselves to be ok with not “going” all the time.

Just like platonic & romantic relationships experience seasons, the different phases of our lives are much like seasons too. Each year we experience special conditions that will either ignite something new in us or require us to dead something old. Too often, we are too stubborn to accept the transition & we blame ourselves during these transitions because we continously fail to accept that this is a normal occurrence of life. So if you spend more times than not feeling like me; I just want to remind you today to be gentle with yourself. What is meant for you will not miss you & every single thing has divine timing. You may be late getting there but I promise you, the breaks, the setbacks & the distractions have been accounted for on your journey. As long as you find the time to give grace in the process– you are doing just fine.

Purpose

After each traumatic experience, we always have to find it within ourselves to pick up & start over again. Many times it takes a lot to dig deep & find the things that inspired us to be great in the first place. But what I discovered is the most difficult is not allowing the effects of the trauma to keep us from our purpose. If we lose our purpose, we lose fuel & we lose desire to keep going. What many people fail to realize is that we are called to be so much more than what we give ourselves credit for. Although our experiences make us who we are; they do not define us. So if we consistently allow those experiences to deter us from the things we are purposed to do; we have given our trauma the upper hand.

Nothing that has happened or will happen is by happenstance. However, keep in mind that all the miracles that you will partake in (known & unknown) didn’t happen by a coincidence either. There is a greater purpose with a greater picture. After the trauma passes, you will have a new appreciation of life that will allow you to make the impact on this earth that you were destined to have.

But first, heal.

Take all the time you need but make sure you take the time to invest in yourself so you jump back in like you never left. Unfortunately, trauma is inevitable. We can’t control what people do or say to us. What happens to us is not always fair & we surely don’t ask for it. We don’t always understand the effects the trauma we experience will have on us; but certainly every single time we are faced with a choice; we can actively choose to win.

You must actively choose to win. Your purpose is counting on it.

Healing is Hard… Heal Anyway!

Happy Sunday Ladies! Y'all have no idea how excited I am today! Not only is this the first Guest Inspiration that Nickkie&Co. has had in a long time; the first one in 2022! But this Guest Inspiration, Yaazmyn Rosa, is very dear to my heart. Yaaz is a phenomenal woman. Mother, sister, nurse, podcast co-host (Tap into it: Shot of Discourse) & friend are just a few titles she holds.  She is what one would describe as fierce, strong & inspiring. But what has been exciting about her has been her willingness to be super transparent about her need to heal & her desire to be a better person to herself FOR herself; FOR a change.  I am truly honored to have been on the sidelines watching her journey as she questioned the things she thought she knew, challenged new perspectives & required herself to put herself first. So ladies, please welcome our first Nickkie&CO. Guest Inspiration of 2022 with open arms; she has a testimony. 

Who knew the journey to healing was going to be this hard? I always liked to think of myself as being strong. Growing up I had no choice but to be strong due to the cards God dealt me. The problem with that is, I wasn’t taught to be strong for me, I was taught to be strong for everybody else. I had to be strong for my mom because she had lost everybody close to her (my uncles, her mom, my great grand-mother) and all she had left was me , her only child. I mean she had my aunt too but not really because addiction had her. I had to be strong for a father that chose his addiction over me. I had to be strong for my great-grandmother when she lost my great-grandfather and when she became I’ll. Crazy, isn’t it?! So there I was a little girl taking on such a huge responsibility not knowing what was to come. All that being strong for everybody else cost me the most important strength of all, my own.

By my adults years, I had grown so accustomed to making sure everyone around was good that I never made sure I was good. As a matter of fact, let me change that, if everyone around me was okay, so was I. My strength and happiness became reliant on everyone around me. When they were good, I was good but when they were down, I was down. The co-dependency on others landed me at this exact moment with these feelings of not knowing who the hell I am and not knowing how to choose me and put me first. I only know me when it comes to others, smh. Here I am at my big old age trying to figure out who I am, what I like, what I dislike, what I want without anybody else’s input and when I tell you this has been the hardest thing ever, mannnn listen.

God forced me to begin to really do the work in the last 6 months of 2021. Life started spiraling and I felt like I was having a breakdown or breakthrough, depending on how you look at it. I hit rock bottom and was just stuck. Depression was not new to me but this time it just felt different. This time I couldn’t shake it. I had to do some deep soul searching to get myself out of this dark place. It felt like I began to question EVERY thing, my purpose, my faith, my friends, my family, my career, myself, literally everything. Nothing was fun to me anymore, nothing was bringing me joy anymore, it was just pure darkness and heaviness. Not even my daughter could get me out of this funk. I remember crying everyday and just asking God to make it all stop. I remember asking God to let me just feel light or not feel at all. I was so tired of being strong, I wanted to be weak. But I also felt like being weak was weak and that’s not who I was raised to be. So I began to break that generational curse and challenge myself to think and act differently. I am far from where I need to be but I am doing the work to get there. Healing is not linear.

I say all this to say give yourself grace! Please choose yourself every time! It’s okay to not be strong in times of weakness! Only rely on God and yourself because most people are always going to choose themselves.

I’ve spoken on how I came to begin my healing journey, now I am challenging you (in a positive way) to begin yours. It doesn’t matter how old you are or where you are in life, that hardest part is always starting, but just do it! You owe it to yourself to value yourself and pour all the love for everybody else into YOU! I pray whoever reads this gets inspired to dig deep and start their healing journey. Understand that some days will be harder than others, maybe even most days but do not let that discourage you from continuing to do the work. Let’s break these generational curse together. Let’s love ourselves more than anything and anyone besides God. Let’s live like we’ve never lived before! I wish you self love, self understanding, self worth and self peace.

Xoxoxo – Yaaz 💙

I pray whoever reads this gets inspired to dig deep and start their healing journey.

I Was Ungrateful…

It’s so amazing to see how God has been using me and we just started the New Year. I am seeing confirmation that when you stop trying to do things your way & let God take control he will elevate your life in ways you’ll wonder why you didn’t let him do it his way from the beginning.

Twenty twenty-two just started & I already can recognize the difference in the way that God will & is using me. Last year my perspective was different & if I was truly honest, I will admit that I spent the majority of last year truly ungrateful & resentful. I was so unappreciative of the little things that even the larger things didn’t have the impact that I needed them to have.

Do you understand what it feels like to have to admit that? That although everyday I try my hardest to walk in gratitude, something that typically came easy to me, no longer was. I found little joy in the things that made me recognize God’s presence. As a result, I spent most of last year, lost, unsatisfied & disgusted. Even as I started each day new, I still sat in the past resentful & frustrated. I was even untrusting. Everything I trusted, I stopped trusting all because, unbeknownst to me, I made an active decision to be ungrateful, to stop taking in the little-BIG things that kept me going, humble, eager & enlightened.

As I reflect back, I recognize, I can never let that happen to me again. People often think that the worst things that you can experience come from experiences imposed by other people. But sometimes the worse thing we can ever experience are the inflictions we inflict upon ourselves. Sometimes we get so caught up in our own experiences that we don’t even realize that sometimes we are the reason for our own destruction. The mindset we set forth when we face a new situation really will makes a difference. I’m grateful now that I can see it & that I am actively willing to make decisions to change last year’s trajectory this year.

I never want to feel like I felt last year; null & void & purposeless. I surely will never want that for you. I pray that my desire for more never makes me ungrateful again. Instead I pray it keeps me humble enough to remember the grace on my life.

I wish the same for you. Pay attention to the nudges that remind you that you are still alive; there’s still a journey to be had. Don’t let yourself get so discouraged that you become blind to the blessings around you. Take it all in. The good, the bad, the amazing, the ugly. God will surely turn every single thing in your favor. Let the fact that the best of your life is still approaching upon horizon & use that to keep you motivated. Do not forget the things that make you feel alive. Appreciate your creative instincts & sit in them; enjoy them; share them. Use life to give you purpose, not to take it away.

And graciously experience your experiences.